Vida

 ¡Hola, amigos! I just got back from a beautiful adventure. ¡Viva México… mi corazón! 

Yeah, debated taking this trip after all that has happened to me but didn't because well… I didn't want to. 

Pardon me… If this entry goes all over the place…. BECAUSE IT PROBABLY WILL…. 

I planned this trip in late January, whilst hooked up to machines. While doctors poked me with needles until I had no more veins left. While I contemplated life and where I was headed once more. The one thing I was certain about was there was more to life than dying for a job that didn't want me and working my ass off just to ensure I have the bills paid and material things I want. While understanding that in a flash everything can be taken away. 

The sound of a heart monitor became the soundtrack and the steady thumping of the breathing machine became the crescendo of my song. 

Life is a journey and steps one should explore. 

For a while, I haven't felt the confidence I once had. Sadly, that comes with lifting others while no one is there to reach for me. Except there were… I was just looking in the wrong direction. 

In December I was told by someone who I care about greatly to live my life… to not think of them… to forge ahead without the slightest concern for where we could end up. It kind of took this trip to finally take those words-although very much a contradiction and a ruse for how I know they truly feel in their heart. 

Okay. Message received and well, I am doing exactly what you said. However, I will say this… it took great strength not to reach out… because every single day, at least a few times a day, this person was talking to me in 3D. They were speaking in a manner of speaking. Songs, locations, what was in front of me… the whole kitten caboodle. 

But because I have been told repeatedly to not think of them… I did not reach out. With this silence came an epiphany… They are one of the reasons I haven't felt my best in the last couple of years. It's been me pushing myself in and them either pushing me away, coming and going as they please, or making time for me when it's convenient for them. 

If someone came to you with a miracle of a story and all the love in their heart to give, would you be so careless and nonchalant? Would you show them they are just another person in their life or would you show them just how lucky you are that they are there? 

I fell in love with Playa del Carmen and I know I have said this about a few places I have traveled to: Reykjavík, London, the island of Ibiza, Paris, and Nuremberg… but I have now added Playa to the list. I could live here too. At least for a little while at best. 

It was yet again another journey filled with serendipitous findings. Pieces of my personal puzzle that answered lingering questions about, “What it all means.” 

I might have come home exhausted but I also came home exhilarated. I came home with a thirst for more. I came home unafraid to ask for what I want and yeah… today proved worthy of those requests. 

While in the ocean on my first day in Playa, I met two travel agents. I told them I wanted to do that for a living. We swapped info and now I have an invite to see about a potential career. On my last night in Playa, I wrote in my journal after going to a new-age/spiritual/witchy shop about how this trip was another confirmation of living abroad and manifesting the life I want. I bought an Oracle deck in this shop and the card I drew was about that very thing. It was an affirmation. 

When I landed home, I opened my email to see another job opportunity for a position I had applied for that dives right into traveling. My interview was today and without hesitation I let it be known that I wanted a tour guide position. I WANT TO TRAVEL FOR A LIVING. Within seconds, the woman I was talking to was writing an email for me to be interviewed by the person is charge of hiring seasonal tour guides. 

In my journal I also listed the things I want to do outside of work: I want to work on my tan-yeah it sounds so egotistical but I feel better with color. I want to take a Spanish course because although I could get along fine with the little Spanish I knew… I am no longer okay with being that person who can't communicate unless it's English. I want to exercise even more so than I do right now. I want it all and I know I am the only one that will make it happen. 

I found a job before I left… I call them angels who saw who I was and didn't stand idle to watch me fall. And even though I want the seasonal tour position, I know this job will work with me to have that. This feels utterly amazing. And if there comes a time where that just won't fit… that bridge will have to be crossed then and not right now. Everything comes in order and appreciating where I am right now from where I was just a couple of months ago, is a blessing in and of itself. 

Even when life gets a little squirrelly, never stop dreaming. You only have one life and it will come with its ebbs and flows. It will come with messes and tower moments. It will come with blessings and desires being fulfilled. It will hand you choices and options. It will give you moments to reflect and deflect. It will come with crossings. It might even come with second chances to redo. Never hesitate. Never stop. Never let go. 

“La Magia está en Tu.” 

Until next time, 

Regina