The Blogging Bae

I feel like everything is coming at me full force and I can’t control a goddamn thing! Today, I had a long, hard cry. Sometimes this release is necessary and most days, I’m upbeat and positive...the lighthouse you find in a storm, or so I’ve been told. I view the world as a loving place. I smile, I’m kind, I’m empathetic...I try to be different because the world is filled with the same kind.  But sometimes all that strength breaks the proverbial camel’s back. So today I had a long, hard cry. Nothing in my life is worth crying over...everything is swell...I’m working towards goals, I’m living a dream life, I’m coming out of my shadow...I’m living nothing but happy fucking days!  But today...I had a long, hard cry....because the outside world is breaking my heart.  I finally built up enough courage to see a video being spread all over the internet and I went from rage to sadness to helplessness to worry and everything in between. This is America....I sometimes hate it her

What do you do when you have a dream? A great desire? One thing you’ve steadily been fixated on the entirety of your life that now becomes an integral part of your very existence? You become obsessed with your goals and that obsession, regardless of how many times it breaks your heart, you still won’t give up on it.  What do you do?  What do you do when your patient side is fighting with the side that wants instant gratification? Who wins? Which side kicks the most ass? Which side becomes the more reliable bet to make? Do you let them both hash it out...do you find common ground...or do you just say ‘fuck it’ and realize they are equally favored?  I’ve said this before but it bares repeating. I’m in a saturated field. Everyone is a writer. Everyone is a photographer. Everyone has talent...and I’m in the shuffle now. Trying to find a dance move that makes me stand out.  Part of me wishes I got out of my way a long damn ago but there’s a reason for every season and li

Lordy, Lordy...I’m 40. 40 years ago on the 18th of May, I was brought into the world at the exact moment Mt. Saint Helen’s erupted...coincidentally my Mama’s name is Helen.  *Just a little fun fact about me . So far I’ve been asked what it feels like? And to be honest, my only reply has been, “It feels refreshing.”  My parents are both equally amazed that their daughter has reached this threshold and I’d be lying if I said, I wasn’t as well. There have been many a time where I, myself, never thought I’d make this far either.  But here we are. I conquered my 20’s, I ripped through my 30’s...I’m 40! Holy Fuck! I’m 40!!!  And with age, comes wisdom...and with wisdom comes experiences and advice...and oh how I have a ton of fucking advice. For anyone who wants to hear it, of course.  This post is dedicated to most of you younger folks but if you older like me, please still read. I’m sure you’ll either agree, get a kick out of the list I’ve compiled...or find it moti

It’s been a pretty damn productive day, I’d say. I consider myself lucky to have already had a remote job prior to this pandemic...not much has changed for me in that regard and since my birthday is Monday...I decided to take a long weekend. I switched on the tunes, exercised, cleaned, created and even made a delicious dinner. Today was a solid 10 out of 10!  I was supposed to be in Tulum, throwing down with the sun, sand and Mexican culture. In a parallel universe sans CoronaVirus I’m sipping a margarita and swimming in my own personal pool. In between eating all the seafood I can stuff my face with and planning tomorrow’s adventure: a visit to the cenotes or the ruins or both...depending on how tipsy I get tonight. In that other world, I’m celebrating my 40th like a goddamn queen! As I should be because I’ve earned this right...I’ve made it to year 40!  I was also supposed to go visit my mom, family, and tribe. That’s not happening either.  Ugh...this augmented realit