A Trip Around The Sun

It’s been a pretty damn productive day, I’d say. I consider myself lucky to have already had a remote job prior to this pandemic...not much has changed for me in that regard and since my birthday is Monday...I decided to take a long weekend. I switched on the tunes, exercised, cleaned, created and even made a delicious dinner. Today was a solid 10 out of 10! 

I was supposed to be in Tulum, throwing down with the sun, sand and Mexican culture. In a parallel universe sans CoronaVirus I’m sipping a margarita and swimming in my own personal pool. In between eating all the seafood I can stuff my face with and planning tomorrow’s adventure: a visit to the cenotes or the ruins or both...depending on how tipsy I get tonight. In that other world, I’m celebrating my 40th like a goddamn queen! As I should be because I’ve earned this right...I’ve made it to year 40! 

I was also supposed to go visit my mom, family, and tribe. That’s not happening either. 

Ugh...this augmented reality utterly sucks. Someone unplug, press reset, fast forward or better yet...rewind to that one moment this whole damn mess could have been avoided. Go to that part and start over...the right way!!! 

How...and I don’t mean to be that asshole and I do mean this with the greatest of sincerity...but how...HOW in the FUCK did this shit happen? How did this spin so far out of control that we are here, locked up with an unrecognizable and uncertain future staring us straight ahead? Challenging everything we once knew. 

Every. Single. Thing. 

Ode to my foiled birthday plans, ode to my fam and friends back where I once called home....ode to the possibility Iceland over  New Year’s Eve might not take place...ode to all those who have or are spending birthdays not originally as planned...this post is dedicated to you. 

There will be other moments...although I’m not sure what year those moments will take place....I’m hopeful it will be sooner than later and it will be as good, if not better than it formally was meant to be. 

And I’m not trying to be a drag by saying this but what a sobering thought...such a big part of me...out of reach for an unknown amount of time. Even more depressing...my mom’s career. My poor, beautiful mama. She brings education through travel to kids, teens, and college students alike. 

Traveling is one of the most important educational tools one can have. To see what you read in history books in real time, to examine a painting firsthand that you only saw in a textbook prior to, to walk down a road once ruled by a feared leader...to immerse yourself in what is and what once was...an experience like no other. So much of this is going to change....maybe not forever...but for a while. 

I knew I wasn’t going to travel as much this year, but these trips were spaced out enough and all extremely affordable from where I live...even before the pandemic. And, if I wanted to risk it or go through what I’m hearing you have to or will have to go through, these trips could be 1st class tickets on the cheap. I would do it in a heartbeat if there were’t so many anomalies involved.

So many destinations aren’t opening their doors anytime soon and those that are, I’m not sure I want to be part of it. 

I’m not a conspiracy theorist so I don’t believe this is some made up plot to a destroy the guy who somehow became the president of my country nor am I a sheep giving into a new world order. I’m just a responsible fucking adult. 

My country, my state is giving the option to wear a mask. I’m wearing one anytime I go into a place of business. I just have respect for other people...this isn’t me being forced to do something I don’t want to do. I’m doing it with my own free will.  

I want things to get better before they crash and burn again...I want to prevent that choice that was made in late 2019. Whatever choice that was...whatever decision that created this aftermath. 

I want to be part of the solution instead of the cause. 

I want to see Ásgeir and Lords of Acid, two concerts cancelled in midst of all this. I want to hug my mom again and laugh with my sister and her family again...I want to go to Tulum and Iceland and back to Europe. I want my mom and sister to be employed with the jobs they love and adore. I want to go to the library. 

I feel for everyone right now. And I know why I wallow in my own self-pity...others have it far worse. I never lost my job nor did my husband. We both traveled far and wide last year and I consider ourselves lucky that those holidays weren’t all planned for this year. I’m so very thankful we got to experience so much right up until we suddenly weren’t allowed to experience anything at all. 

We have our health. 

We have our families and even though they are far away, they are all okay. 

Our friends are surviving too. 

It’s tough but each and everyone of them are doing what they can to get by. Taking on new roles and new norms...graciously. Taking in stride, tomorrow things might drastically swing in either direction. 

I have so much to be thankful for and although Tulum was a bust, I’m still taking an extended staycation with a day trip involved. Stay-at-home orders are loosening here and I’ve been itching to explore with my camera in tow. So I am. 

I’m going to wanderlust. I’m going to make do with what I can. Resilient and resourceful as usual. Throw me a lemon and watch me whip that shit into a cake along with some adult lemonade. *wiggles  hands in a magician’s movements. 

Most of my birthdays in the past few years were spent huddled in my house due to a snowstorm. Yes, where I live it still snows in May. Last year, the snow lasted until early June. Our “Spring” is just a long extension of a winter....a feistier, more insane winter but that’s for a whole other post. The one about my state having multiple personalities and four seasons in 24 hour time span. Oof. 

Coincidentally, it didn’t snow last year on my actual birthday. It was warm and sunny and gorgeous...but...wait for it...I had to work. 

Ain’t that some shit. 

And....well...this year...it got hijacked by some fuckwit named ‘Rona. Not just my birthday! The. Whole. Damn. Year. For mostly everyone. I’d even dare say everyone because even those who can and choose to get back to life...it’s still occurring far different than it was six short months ago. 

The shit you take for granted...and the realization that comes with that. Like, I can’t be the only one who’s sat in silence a few times in the past few months for hours on end...with this perplexed look on their face trying to find reason and logic? I can’t be the only one who’s sat in silence while staring into a void of earth wondering what the other side of this pandemic is going to look like? I can’t be the only one sad about riding this glorious wave only to have it crash violently into the rocks. But then again, that’s how waves literally go. 

Fuuuuuuccccckkkkk youuu. *stretches head side to side and cracks knuckles. 

Fuck!

You! 

2020! 

You can force me to change plans and throw all these wild punches in my direction but I’ll find alternatives and bob and weave...bob and weave and unleash alternatives. 

Adjusting. Reflecting. Appreciating. Repeating. Putting one foot in front of the other until it leads to the destination. This is a detour. One giant, ridiculously long way round but we will get to the other side and realistically the other side has a 50/50 shot of being tragic or victorious. There’s no 60/40 or 80/20...it’s just up 50/50....it’s like throwing a coin into the air and hoping it lands on the side you want. Shot gun. I win. Yes, I’m keeping this lucky coin forever. 

I’m rooting for victory and despite ruined 2020...I’m still counting my blessings. 

Happy Birthday, to me. Let’s party. 

Before, I go...a song that came on today. Perfect timing so thanks, Lorde. I HEART you! 

Still Sane, by Lorde. 

Today is my birthday, and I'm riding high

Hair is dripping, hiding that I'm terrified

But this is summer, playing dumber than in fall

Everything I say falls right back into everything

I'm not in the swing of things

But what I really mean is

Not in the swing of things yet

Riding around on the bikes, we're still sane

I won't be her, tripping over on stage

Hey, it's all cool

I still like hotels, but I think that'll change

Still like hotels, and my newfound fame

Hey, promise I can stay good

(Everything feels right) I'm little, but I'm coming for the crown

I'm little, but I'm coming for you (chase paper, get it)

I'm little but I'm coming for the title, held by everyone who's up

All work and no play

Never made me lose it

All business all day

Keeps me up a level

All work and no play

Keeps me on the new shit, yeah

All work and no play

Let me count the bruises

All business all day

Keeps me up a level

All work and no play

Lonely on the new shit Set yeah

Yeah

Only bad people live to see

Their likeness set in stone

Only bad people live to see

Their likeness set in stone

What does that make me?.....

*go listen to the whole song. It’s Lorde after all! 

~xoxo