The Heart That Spoke

 I started my ukulele lessons this week. I can strum two cords, four times each. I have read every night before bed. I have exercised every day—either cardio or yoga. I journaled Sunday night and pulled Tarot for the upcoming week. I have done a good job at keeping my vices at bay. I started a new playlist for new songs of the year. 

But, mostly in between all that I have desiginated lengths of time with one tedious, patience-testing task... Proofing my book. Accepting or rejecting what the proofreader fixed, corrected, or changed. 

This is all on top of working and somehow finding a way for my head to hit my damn pillow by midnight for the next day that promptly starts at 6 a.m. 

It’s crazy what happens when you aren't tethered to bad habits or time-sucking energy. 

It’s extremely freeing when you aren’t letting the worst parts of yourself take over the best parts of your soul. 

And, in all this… I just noticed an action made by someone who I feel is going through the same realizations I am—mistakes can be made, but it’s not who we are and it’s not what we mean to each other. 

I never realized they reached out in a supportive manner until just now. I thought I was the one that reached out first over Christmas… When I decided to let go and understand forgiveness was more important than anything else. 

I knew I wasn’t going crazy though… all the thoughts I was having. The dreams that they kept appearing in. It was, in fact, our connection. 

It was them reaching out in their own subtle way… the same way they have always latched on for decades now. 

It is unmatched, and no matter what it will always mean something. 

I wanted to write them and tell them how grateful I am for their support when it comes to my book, but I didn’t and I won’t. They have to be the next one to reach out because I can’t be the only one that maintains a friendship this go around. 

However, I know the door is open. It was never closed completely nor do I believe it will ever be shut all the way. 

That’s what happens when you care about someone. Anger is a wasted emotion… you can have it for a little while, but then you have to move on and if someone means something you will always find a way back to them. A better version because of the lessons you have learned. 

Enjoy your weekend, everyone and remember… sometimes you have to take a step back in order to take a step forward. 

~x