And then...

 So something happened to me last weekend and I am not even sure if it's the universe being cheeky or something random at play. It's that strange. 

For starters, how are you all doing? I'm busy as busy can be. I'm wrapping up editing for my second book and steadily working a full-time job on top of that. Thank God for that seven-day vacation right around the corner. 

Back to it though... My phone does this weird thing where if I don't shut the screen off or clear apps out and stick it somewhere like my pocket or purse... It starts to press buttons. I have been on a roller coaster ride with a certain friend and have debated stepping away for a while from said friendship. Well, apparently my phone agreed that both time and space were necessary and made that decision for me. Maybe, because it knew I never really would. 

Both my professional and personal IG accounts deleted us as friends. Along with a slew of other people. 

I also ended up “texting” gibberish to another buddy of mine that just assumed it was my pocket doing all the talking... Because they have heard me complain about how sensitive this damn phone is. 

I digress...

The one friend though... I wanted to make sure they understand nothing was done on purpose. I was literally just peeping their stories out and put my phone in my pocket to go outside. You see, to be honest... I am accident-prone and will trip on imaginary air if possible. So, I don't walk and look down at a screen but instead, at the sidewalk I am walking on.... Or the stairs since I fell down a flight of them staring at my screen. 

I went back to finish the rest of their stories and lo and behold, the stories were no longer there. Neither was my friend. My phone took them away. Poof... Like magic or a possessed piece of technology! 

Here’s the kicker... I wrote them three times to let them know what happened. Nothing on their end. Nada. Zip. Complete silence. They couldn't even be bothered to check the message. A couple of days go by and still nothing. Is it them on their end ghosting me out? No. Not really. This is just how they operate. This is how they behave. They respond half of the time unless they want something... Like attention. 

I have been at my wit's end with this type of behavior and its long list of excuses. I don't do this to people I care about so I don't want it done to me. I take time to interact. I also, as of late, have been having a real issue with this whole nosey, voyeuristic way of keeping in touch. 

You want to see what I am up to. You want to be all up in my business but you can't interact in a normal adult manner. I have almost quit posting stories altogether because as someone else put it, “When you have two likes on a post but 60 plus views on a reel or story... People are watching, they just aren't supporting.” 

Okay... I KNOW. I know when I talk about social media, I sound like an egomaniac fishing for my own type of attention but let's get real... Most of us are on social media for attention. You are not just posting something so it will go into a black void of nothingness. You think whatever you are posting is worth sharing and you want others to enjoy it. So save the speech about how social media doesn't matter and if that's really how you feel, then get off completely. 

More importantly, I have a book series out and social media is a way to promote it. It's necessary and there is no getting around using it. I understand though that attention isn't the only part of the equation. I need people to buy the books. However, this is where sales mainly start... So I am not going to knock it, I'm just going to be irritated when what I do can't compete with another tatted-up rapper, privileged white yogi on a beach somewhere with her ass showing, or that girl with her dog. Lol. I have accepted it though. This is how the game is played and eventually, I will have my time to shine as well. 

That's the business account and said friend follows me or used to anyway on both my personal and professional accounts. In addition, I know this person is always on their phone so ignoring me is a choice they are making. Just like it's a choice to reach out when they are bored and feel I can entertain them. I've been kinda over this one-way street for a while. If you can only give me the bare minimum then don't expect a V.I.P. firsthand look into my life. You don't deserve that. 

The crazy part is, I'm supposed to catch up with this person in a few short months. I want them to see me face-to-face after years of anything but. I think everything will make more sense and I almost feel like the universe did this crazy erasure deed so I can live my life and they can live theirs without interruption until we see each other. 

They can do whatever, post whatever, and be whatever, and I can do the same. I can stop feeling like they are just watching, barely putting anything in, but getting noticed at the same time. In a way, it's liberating and I am about to do a clean sweep for real... Because this friend isn't the only one that acts this way and over the stalker attitude. Again, if you want to know the ins and out of my life then place yourself in it and be a decent friend. Stop with the guessing games and mystery surrounding what I mean to you. 

Be busy. Be occupied. Be silent. Just keep me out of your, “What’s she up to, next in line,” waiting area. 

I'm not that desperate for friends right now since most of you don't know how to treat me anyway. I would prefer to watch paint dry than beg for an ounce of your breadcrumbs. This is a choice I am making. 

The sad reality is after three messages that couldn't be read it responded to, I actually deleted them. This time for real... NO BLIP on my phone’s end. What's the point? 

If this person does care, they will reach out. Just like a few others I plan on removing soon enough. I'm not trying to be dramatic... I’m just busy and in a selfish phase right now. Not to mention, I have accepted less for far too long. 

So yeah, that's it. The universe grabbed the wheel and I'm riding shotgun. The only thing now is to wait and see where it takes me next. 

Until Next Time, 

X