Penny For Your Thoughts

 I had a friend yesterday tell me that they believe in passion but they don't believe in love.

It took every fiber of my being not to laugh in their face because that is the dumbest shit I have ever heard. Not to mention, the biggest load of crap. 

In my opinion, it's the equivalent of someone saying, “They don't like drama” yet anytime there is drama that same person who claims to hate said drama, is right smack dab in the middle of it. Holding the matches that started the fire. 

Every. Single. Time. 

Them: What happened? Why is the bridge burning in a fiery blaze? 

Me: What had happened was... YOU ARE A LIAR. 😂😂😂

Rest assured, my friend has fallen in love and most likely falls in love harder than someone who doesn't make such ludicrous statements. 

Don't get me wrong... In a way... I UNDERSTAND where my friend is coming from. I can compare this comment to some of the very bold ones I have made myself. For instance, I have told him after being married, I'm not sure I “believe” in marriage anymore. Especially in this modern age and world. But that opinion is coming from someone who has actually experienced marriage... So I know my friend has experienced love in order to claim that they don't. 

Here are a few things you should know though... My friend at 44 years old has never been married but has been in multiple relationships and I’ll be dammed if some of those relationships never involved any form of love and if that truly were the case then he still wouldn't be pining over “the one” that has completely shut him out of her life. 

This goes even further. This comment lo and behold has come from an extremely good-looking man that has (from what I gather) never really had to put much effort into any relationship because his bed resembles a rotating door. That's not a sexual judgment, by the way, it's just a fact and I'm just saying when one woman leaves, another one is right there waiting for my friend. So okay... Maybe he has never had a chance to sit back and reflect but to say he doesn't believe in love is nonsense. 

I'm happy for him in this sexual regard because if I was a dude, I'd probably be the same way. I would probably be the biggest man whore out there. Worse than my friend. 

And I can also relate to such a heavy claim because yeah, men instantly want to make me theirs and theirs alone and I used to play this game. It took 3 1/2 years to remain single and put my foot down in regards to not being anyone’s girlfriend and fixer. And just like my friend, I too am realizing I think differently about intimate relationships the older I get. 

I will just say this though... The man, just like all of us has his flaws and is getting older as well. With that, comes this one certainty and the one thing that is fading... that in all honesty... has been his go-to. His looks. 

Granted, he is still a good-looking man... He's got great genes and I suspect he will be handsome until he is old and gray... But, most women nowadays aren’t just looking for some emotional cripple that is the bomb in bed or a piece of arm candy. It fun for qla while but it gets real old, real fast. 

This combo is a dime a dozen as well. Show me a good-looking guy that is great in bed and I will show you a branch on a tree. That's how common this is with the exception that the tree actually provides shade and oxygen and something to lean on when you are weak. 

Women know how to cook and clean and financially support themselves and well, to be straight-up can get off using toys or ourselves. We don't need a man to do much for us. So to only offer a pretty face and good dick isn't all that it's cracked up to be. 

In addition, the only ones that will really put up with this type of fuckery are the young girls. The naive ones with little life experience and a whole lot of party days left to be had. My friend can barely stay up past 11:30pm. Even on the weekends. He barely does anything as is so I am not even sure where he is finding this flood of imaginary women. 

And when he does find them... Those girls too will eventually grow up and tired of staring at walls in a space shared by another person that isn't them. 

Woman have options. We don't need to squeeze ourselves into the life of a guy who still lives with a roommate, barely has any money, is going bald, and has an expanding belly like we all do just for some great sex. Oh, swoon. You can fuck us better than anyone can. Do go on, Prince Charming. 

The audacity to think that women want to settle just because you are great in bed (apparently) is quite comical. 

I have never slept with this guy so maybe he is the best but knowing the type of woman I am and the type of women so many are... Being the best is irrelevant. Also, anyone who has had a past... Believe me when I tell you this... best isn't a security blanket. It's not something we latch onto unless it's the best at everything. That includes but not limited to: communication, commitment, and connection. 

Your best sex just gets jumbled in with the rest of the best. It's not the prized possession you think it is. 

Like, is that all you got? Is that really all you have to offer a woman and if so, your dick must not be that hypnotizing since you haven't banged anyone in almost a year? To top this all off, this is the same guy that has said to me, “All women want is a guy with money. He could look like shit but if he has money... He will get the girl.” 

At least with money, she doesn't have to work so hard but I will say this about that... This isn't true either and sounds like jealousy to me. What did the grotesque elephant man win the girl? 

I know this sounds harsh. I am not trying to be... I just don't have time for the rubbish. Even and especially when it's being spewed from a friend’s mouth. We ain't fucking. We ain't dating. We aren't anything so it's no skin off of my back how he thinks and feels... It's just stupid and all too common. 

It’s also a giant pile of steaming hot dog shit that I call bullshit on. 

My friend has gone even further to say, “His heart is indestructible.” Okay, whatever, Mr. Robot version 5.0. Those that make such idiotic claims have in fact had their hearts destroyed. It's a defense. It's a bald-faced lie in order to keep you safe from what life is all about... Connection and caring... And yes, the passion you are looking for. 

The thing is, my friend likes to stay complacent. He is indifferent because there is no passion in his life. The very thing he is on a quest to find. 

He goes through the motions and then gets frustrated that he feels nothing. Well, sir, nothing is what is matching your energy currently so it's no wonder you look at life the way you do. You give nothing, you get nothing in return. That's how this goes. 

If you truly “believed” the shit you say then you wouldn't be in such a mind-fuck while simultaneously searching for more. You’d be completely content... Because nothing matters and because you don't have to strive for happiness, because happiness doesn't exist. 

I have been told that I am often the truth serum people don't want to see and unfortunately, I feel I have come into my friend’s life for exactly that reason. To show him that his arrogant nature and his ignorant stance on life are hindering his growth... And yes, stopping him from propelling forward in the life that he truly seeks. 

I say it's unfortunate because I don't have the time, patience, or mental capacity to be yet again another person’s guiding light. I'm going through a selfish phase and I'm allowed, after all the folks I have fixed, to say, “I'm closed for business.” 

And I'm not sorry about that. These aren't my lessons to learn and unless you are paying me to teach you, I have bigger fish to fry. 

Grow up and learn them yourself. You can either stay on the hamster wheel and repeat every karmic cycle you have already gone through or make the appropriate changes in order to evolve. It's up to you. I've done my work and soul-searching and growth and now... I am living. So here we are at a standstill... Are you going to follow suit or stay stagnant? The ball is in your court. 

I know the choices sound scary, right? And, they are. They are scary because they are not easy or familiar but most importantly, they make you the sole proprioriter. You are responsible for the life you want to live. And if that life never exists with an ounce of love in it then you are going to be very lonely when all is said and done. 

For the record though... Loneliness, longing, wanting change, and having passion all fall under the realm of love. 

These emotions are driving forces that keep that umbrella open and keep your ass safe from the hail storm you are so desperately trying to protect yourself from. So let’s call a spade what it inevitably is... A card you play. Then the next time there is a storm, leave your umbrella behind. Hell, get crazy... Be brave and go without your shirt or jacket too. 

We experience love in every facet of our life. When you are unhappy... you are motivated by becoming happy. And, yup, becoming happy falls under that wretched thing my friend supposedly doesn't believe in... Love. 

This journey is love because it involves reaching and striving for somewhere else besides being a miserable and cranky bastard. Love is what is motivating you to feel something different than indifference. 

I'm not here to change anyone’s belief system. So... If my friend wants to think he truly believes the dumb shit that comes out of his mouth... So be it. I am just a friend and like I said a few paragraphs earlier, too tired to teach him anything else. 

But I dare say this... ONE DAY my friend will be eating his words. He will be swallowing the shit-like epic sandwich he created and there won't be any beverage to help it go down any easier. 

Meaning, he is going to encounter that one thing that alters everything. He won't be so cocky after that but from where I stand, he already has and because of this he is a frightened little bird... Wounded and terrified of flying to his next level. 

In a way, I know my friend is pissed off at me because I don't believe the hype. Because I am unafraid to hurt his feelings or because I see right through the bullshit. But once again, here's the tea on where I stand on this, it's not my job to show anyone valuable life lessons, and if all someone wants to do is take then best believe I am not going to spare the act in self-awareness that comes after the taking has been all had. 

I'm not going to show any sympathy or empathy. I will just call you out instead. Sounds mean, I know? Call it what you will but I call it, “tough titties in the lesson of tough love.” 

You wanted to make this bed... So go ahead and lay in it. Enjoy the emptiness. Enjoy those cold nights when you are nostalgic for better times. And yeah, those are feeling too. And yup... Again all stems from the evil little thing you are trying to avoid. 

One day... What is between his legs isn't going to be the only thing that matters no matter how good he is at using it. 

One day... Everything is going to hit my friend in his cocky little stance. 

Sure, I don't want this to happen to him but I know it will because this tale is as old as time. The hard ass believes he is invisible until he isn't. Until the walls come crashing down and they are left picking out the shrapnel and picking up the rubble. 

I know this sounds personal and slightly angry but it sort of is and I sort of am. Not specifically at him but at this overall disposition. Yet again another dude thinks he’s God’s Gift and feels no need to grow... Because growth in human beings is hard and it means more than just fucking anything in a skirt. 

Have fun, ladies... This hot mess of a man is nowhere close to maturity. So when you do see him run for the hills or be another dummy trying to heal and dismiss all those red flags waving right in your face. 

Or don't. 

I mean... SURE... It will be fun for a bit but then you’ll get bored... Because that too is a story older than time... Because most of us with vaginas need more than just clitoral stimulation. We need mental stimulation as well. We don't want projects and we damn sure don't want to spend our time trying to figure out what else a dude can actually do. 

But to be brutally honest and to all the men reading this... Every single woman can sleep with and have the best sex of their life with anyone they want. Seriously, it's not that hard. If you think your “Golden Dick” is going to be the only thing that stands out from all the rest of the men we get hit on daily, you are sadly mistaken. A dick is a dick is a dick. Meanwhile, you scour the ends of the world for that one “flower pot” you want to plant your dick in and you don't stop looking until you find it. 

I don't know. My friend has a long way to go or grow. However, you want to look at it and I guess I just have to sit back and watch the trainwreck ensue. Trying not to glare or scream, “I fucking told you so... Mr. I CANNOT be phased.” 

And that's the absolute worst part of this. There isn't a damn thing I can do to help but quite frankly, I don't want to help either. It's not my place so I am just going to mind my business. 

Well, I guess that's it for now. Good luck and Godspeed to you and to him. What a doozy. What a shitshow. What a comedic laugh for a while. 

Oh, brother, the denial. 

~X~

The Bae