Ghost of You

It’s a national holiday here and I had the day off. I also have an interview for another teaching position tomorrow… yes… you know how I said I would come back in a better state of mind. Well, I did and I am in a much happier head space as well. 

I quit the new adventure that I was eager to try on. Come to find out, it wasn’t the right fit for several reasons and I didn’t wait it out to see if it was just me or just a detour I needed to take. I’m willing to bet it’s a little of both. 

Without this detour, the interview that I have tomorrow would have never happened. And although I don’t want to be a teacher for the rest of life, I have come to the conclusion it’s the best option and most steady road to take in order get where I am actually trying to go. I’m also pretty sure, I am a shoo-in for the position. 

But that little bump in the road isn’t at all what I am going to write about today. I used my day off to tap into my creative side and not feel rushed as often as I do. 

Last weekend I did the same thing because there is a certain level of guilt that takes over me when I don’t etch out time for my book series or promoting the first part. The part that’s already published and is exactly the thing I want to be my real bread and butter. 

Today though while creating a reel for my book’s IG page, I couldn’t help but think about him. That one person this entire series was built on. 

I’ve done a good job of separating all feelings from real facts and most of my promoting doesn’t stir anything up at all. It’s all out of my creative mind because that’s the way fiction is supposed to work. 

I guess I just went a little deeper today. I let my psyche be the guide. 

But just like him and with us, there is always a place that is occupied rent free. No one lives there but the lights are always on… the fire is still lit and waiting patiently to keep someone warm. 

I wanted to reach out but I couldn’t because there is no one that ever responds. It’s like talking into a dark abyss and hoping some ghost answers back… the ghost from a past you can’t forget. 

I had to shake the thoughts and curiosities. I had to focus on another tasks at hand… I forced myself because I didn’t now what else to do. 

𝘽𝙪𝙞𝙡𝙙 𝙞𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚... 

Well, that’s what I am doing and I am hoping they will show up… but I am also hoping he will show up too. 

I only get like this from time to time now or more so than I would actually like to admit but when the visits happen, I have to use it like a muse to fuel the thoughts. It’s the only way to handle such a powerful connection. 

I don’t have the strength to cut the tie that binds me because this bind was meant to connect me. It was meant to create a beautiful story that I hold so high. 

I won’t let it consume me but I will take it in. I will taste it, I was swallow it and I will sit with it. Enjoying its company and the feelings I often times displace. 

Then I will let it go once more to see if this boomerang really belongs to me. 

Timing is everything 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙗𝙪𝙞𝙡𝙩 𝙞𝙩, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚. 

Until next time, this playlist is on me. 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2Zp8zlu5NX0XtwWyWdpvZY?si=O4BUMxijQde-X66xx3PgzA

P.S 

I will keep you posted about the new job.