Because, Because, Because

 Hello, all! Happy Sunday. It’s beautiful outside, I had an interesting weekend and I am wrapping it with a cool beer in hand. 

I usually steer clear of drinking on Sundays but it’s been a strange week and well… I’m an adult and I do what I want. It’s been a minute since I have written and I figured some of you might want to know what has been going on. 

Let’s get the biggie out of the way. My wonderful Aunt passed away on Wednesday morning and that has thrown me for a loop. She was my mom’s oldest sister and died from Early Onset Alzheimer’s. I’m sad she’s no longer here but am okay with the idea that she is back to her old self. The one that was vibrant and independent and knew exactly where she was and the people that were around her. 

I also hope in my lifetime, I see a cure for this wretched disease. 

Last time I saw her she was too far gone to ever come back. Although, I really prayed for a miracle that she would. She did however, have a huge smile on her face when she saw me last. Like she sorta knew who I was but couldn’t place it exactly. 

She was my buddy… all my aunts were but she was the closest in the area and I spent much of my youth with her and my cousins specifically. Many weekends, many vacations, many holidays, and many many times were spent with her. 

I’m trying to go back east for her memorial but given airfare being what it is… it might not happen. I am going to do my damndest though to see if I can. I also just want to be there for my mom and take her to a favorite place we both share… The beach…. BECAUSE I KNOW WE COULD BOTH USE THOSE SALT WATER HEALING VIBES!!! 

I’m getting into the swing of things at my new teaching job. I actually kind of love it. I stumbled into a school that actually cares about its staff and that alone makes it worthwhile. The benefit package is another fantastic perk and the drive is only a short commute compared the one I used to have. 

Although, I could have done without the lone gunman outside my building forcing me to shelter in place with my students for a few hours two weeks ago… But that is now part of a teacher’s gig. We now not only have to teach but we have to protect and risk our lives so white dudes can run around fully armed. 

I’m not really sure what the world has come to but I can say this, sometimes I don’t like it very much. 

My book got a massive boost on a reel I didn’t pay to promote. I’m not sure how that happened but I will take the freebies as long as it means actual sales. I also went into fan girl mode when a bookclub led by a famous person liked a comment I wrote alluding to my book. All-in-all, those days where I am so discouraged by zero momentum happening, are made up by moments like this. These are the pushes I need. 

I have been thinking about that one Spotifyer I thought was someone I knew in France but have finally accepted defeat and have mostly realized it’s just all random. Words that I cringe to say aloud but have to because nothing else makes sense. I highly doubt the person I know would do this. It could be a complete stranger but again I am now leaning that it’s a generated playlist and the user might be as well. 

At least that’s what I am telling myself… because I can no longer decode all these songs and because if I really wanted to dig  and relate, I could with everything I do and see and hear. As in….. I’m reading  too much into it. 

Sometimes a tomato is just a tomato and sometimes a song is just a song and it isn’t AT ALL DIRECTED TOWARD ME! 

Besides, if it was a) the person I truly wanted it to be they could easily reach out. They have my number and know how to use it and b) if it isn’t someone I know and it’s somehow related to this blog and the posts I write, they could play songs in my language so I could really knew either way. 

I know this person can speak English because this blog is in English and some of those songs are in English. Regardless though, I’m not fighting it anymore nor am I investigating or letting my ego dictate me hanging on. My last move was a playlist I created as a rebuttal and since we only speak in lyrics, it simply asks, “Who Are a you?” 

Furthermore and just by rare chance, this is not a coincidence… it’s clear this person doesn’t want me to know who they are so I can’t push it any further. 

I guess in time things will become clear. I will say this though, I do appreciate the glimpse into French/African music. I do appreciate the introduction to some artists I would have never listened to otherwise… so at least there is that. It wasn’t all for nothing. 

October is right around the corner and I am feeling the chill in the air… the season for new beginnings and change. I am feeling rejuvenated and hopeful and ready to see if all the hard work pertaining to my passions have paid off. 

I’m ready for beautiful harvest that I have been cultivated and craving to come about. 

I hope you all have a wonderful week and remember: those days where you feel utterly hopeless… there still is always HOPE! 

Until next time, 

~x~