A Different Kind Of Life

The Blogging Bae: The Universe Has Spoken...

A story about a story about a story being written. #AMWRITING 

Hi, lovies. I know it’s been a minute since I have written but to be honest, I have had a lot going on! For starters, my real job has kept me pretty damn busy but to be fully honest with you, I have put blogging on the back burner because I am actually accomplishing something I said I have wanted to do for a while now.

I’m writing a book!

If you have kept up on my blog, you already know this but for a second let’s pretend you need reminding. Ready. Set. Go.

Last year when the pandemic hit and we were all locked in our homes, I had to find something that would ultimately occupy my time. I think I did a decent job. I started a photography page and I started this blog. I also read a lot and binged on movies, music, and yes … T.V. 

Don’t worry. I got some exercise in there too. I am not a completely lazy Taurean. Regardless, this is where the book baby was born. I was enamored by the actor, Alex Høgh Anderson. I was also on a holiday high and trying to cope with the uncertainties surrounding travel. Going into a fictitious world was my therapy but not only that, this world opened a part of me I was always so weary about. I’m not a fiction writer … or so I thought? 

FUN FACT. Come to find out I am! 

It just took the right muse and story. It just took me digging into myself to see I was capable of doing this. At first, my story lines were nothing to get excited about. I was just testing the waters and it took about a year and a month to swim in this sea until my idea, the story I was going to write, hit me like I was the Titanic and it was the iceberg. Alas, my fan fiction/romance/loosely based in reality novel was born. 

It knocked me out. 

The thing is, this story has always been there. It’s always stayed close to me … because … it in fact, is something that really happened to me. This story in and of itself is what most romances are based on. I’m not kidding.

I wrote a few chapters and asked my mother to take a peek. Edit and let me know what she thinks? My mother’s response went like this, “It’s so fucking good.” 

Okay, I get it. You might be thinking … but she’s your mom and that’s what she is supposed to say?? Sure, but there’s just one problem with this logic. MY MOTHER DOESN’T CUSS! 

When she does, it’s serious. She wants you to pay attention. For the record though, my mother has always encouraged me to do more with my writing. I just never believed in myself enough to listen. Stupid, silly me. 

However, I can’t help but feel timing has more to do with this than self-doubt ever did. 

The story I am writing I know like the back of my hand and I have only told it to those that would cherish it the way I did. I protected it because it meant that much. Then, much as timing does its thing, I repeated this whimsical fantasy once more to a new set of ears that I knew would love it as I always did and they immediately responded, “You need to back this into a book.”

Seriously, if this was anyone else’s book, believe me I would read it and it would probably be a favorite. 

I was minding my own damn business and BOOM this memory made its way to me once more. Energetically speaking, LIFE in January threw me the biggest curve ball directly linked to the source of this tale! 

That’s how this memory always worked though. It would lay dormant for a few years or a few months and then just like that it would show up with such intensity that I couldn’t ignore the visits even if I tried. And, oh yes, how I have tried. 

It wasn’t that I disliked this memory visiting me, I loved it actually but as the years went on … I just got more and more sad about how everything always panned out. A dead end here. An emptiness there. A longing over there and no matter how strongly I felt something bigger than me was pulling me towards it, the brick wall always showed up for the last laugh. 

Needless to say, I got tired of the self-inflicting injuries. 

Right before I finally decided to jump head first back into the memory though, I talked myself out of it and said, “Not today, friend. I don’t have the mental capacity to entertain you right now.” 

The universe, I assume, was not happy with that response because against all odds, it came back making the loudest noise. Kind of like my dishwasher that sounds like it’s going to explode or set off for space. I haven’t decided which yet? My entire kitchen is an entity of its own. The freezer spits ice to the floor, my refrigerator has a disco inside and yea there’s an alien living in my dishwasher. Don’t even get me started with my bathroom or the other weird quirks in my home. 

I digress…

I understand the universe not being happy with me shooing it away … I have never been like that before. I’m sure it was surprised by such a response. I have always embraced this nostalgia with open arms so I can only assume the universe is like me in the persistence sense? It, just like me, won’t take no for an answer. Especially when something really counts. I might hear “NO” but “NO” just means come back later. 

And that’s exactly what happened. 

About two weeks later to be exact. 

The universe walked into my house, sat right in front of me and plopped down this memory like a heavy suitcase and said, “Bitch, you ain’t avoiding shit! It’s time. Trust me.”

Hesitant, I rolled my eyes and begrudgingly said, “Fine.” It was either comply now or later and I was at the point that I just wanted to prove the universe wrong and rip this damn bandaid off already. 

Can you believe it though, I really thought I could prove the universe wrong? 

The universe laughed at my shock and surprise and responded, “I fucking told you so.” Wait universe did you just turn into my mother? 

Revisiting this story and having enough confidence in it to make a book out of it has been one insane adventure but by me doing this exact thing, I am giving it the life I always felt it deserved-even if that life is a fictitious one. 

And ever since this crazy thing was handed to me the way it was, I stopped questioning what it all meant and started believing that it definitely meant something. Specifically, the creative genius behind the push off of this terrifying ledge. I’m taking a leap of faith and I’m not at all worried about the ground I am plunging myself into.

I decided this memory was the story I was going to write and I haven’t stopped. I have spent hours on it. I have used every free second to concentrate on it. I have stopped what I was doing to write notes on it. I even decided to bite the bullet and stop writing the damn thing on my phone. I purchased a laptop. I invested in myself and guess what, it’s the most important and yes, expensive purchase I have ever made for myself. By the way, this is my first blog post on my fancy new laptop. How do you like the new set up?

Hello, world. I am here. 

The chapters are flowing like water. The ideas are swarming like bees to honey and I am truly enjoying every moment of it because this is where I have always wanted to be. So many times I am put professional writer on a vision board. So many times I have had a naysayer tell me this was a ridiculous goal to follow. 

As I said, timing has so much to do with this and I guess, in a way, you could say I did have writer’s block but I also had writer’s doubt. These two combined are tough hurdles to jump over but then something just told me to get out of my own way and just be. Write. Create. Stop listening to doubt. Enjoy. Repeat. 

This thought process forced its way into my very existence. I say force because I never, not in a million years, thought this one  story would be a metaphorical meal ticket. I din’t pay attention until something grabbed my face and screamed, “LOOK!”

I BELIVE IN THIS STORY SO DEEPLY! I look at it with great pride. I’m not afraid. I’m not nervous. I don’t think it will be rejected by the publisher I am sending it to. 

You ever feel like that about something? You ever get the feeling that exactly what you want, will happen? Well this is where my head is at right now. I feel this way. 

I have never been so certain about one thing in my entire life and this is such a strange place to be? It’s welcomed for sure and I am enjoying this serendipitous journey extremely but it’s definitely odd. Deep down though, I always knew this was part of my path and I guess that’s the weird part. I have waited and wanted this for so long that now that it appears to be happening, I’m still in the amazed portion of the show. 

Truthfully,  I hope to never stop being amazed by the universe! There was a time I turned my back on the universe but just like this memory showed back up, so did the universe. After I did the shadow work I needed to do. After I healed. After I shed the toxic layers on my karmic journey. I grew with silence and became stronger from the rebuild. 

I love this version of me and I am so happy I was proved wrong and not the other way around. Universe, you were right and I apologize for ever thinking otherwise. 

Enjoy your week everyone and remember, “Never give up on the things you want, even if you don’t know what those are or come to some snag in the road-keep going. Everything figures itself out with time.”