Never Say Never

 It’s been a wild few weeks. Hello, I hope all is well… I apologize for my delayed post. 

First, there was my friend’s funeral back east, then my writer’s conference in LA, and then a live interview about my book series—which was last weekend. 

Finally, came the scare of my life which has made me conclude that at this point, I am a damn cat and on life four. I have five more to go. 

I won't go into all the details, but I will say this: Being able to breathe is so underrated. It all stems from catching the Bird Flu in 2016 and then again getting extremely sick last year. 

I am once again just trying to take it easy as well as one day at a time. 

Anyway, what I am realizing in all these, “What does all mean, what is the meaning behind all of these scare tactics” is this… Life is short and NOTHING WILL STOP ME FROM GETTING WHAT I WANT.

Life is limited. I am not a spring chicken and I refuse to waste one more second. I am taking every opportunity as a sign to move forward and yeah, I know that means leaving some things behind. I have accepted this, and for once I am okay not knowing what lies ahead… because something deep, down inside of my soul knows it’s going to be great. 

You know, I told one person about what happened on Sunday night—without going into great detail—thinking maybe they would ask how I was or send well wishes. Instead, I got the same-old, same-old, pick-me, look-at-me energy. 

Although the tone might have been lost in text, I snapped back, “This isn't a competition…. Hope everything is okay.” 

What I really wanted to say was, “Once again, this isn't about you… you self-absorbed bonehead.” 

I am convinced that this individual has never cared about anyone outside of their family and hides behind that because caring or concern would make them vulnerable… WOULD MAKE THEM FEEL… WOULD MAKE THEM MORE THAN INDIFFERENT… Would actually wake their ass up! Would actually make them understand that they need people in their life. 

Then again, you can lead a horse to water, but you can never force it to drink. 

The funny thing is I know that losing me is something they wouldn't be able to handle. Especially if death was the fucking reason. 

It’s okay though… I accept them for the selfish individual they are. Our relationship didn't start one-sided, but once they started to care that dynamic switched because they are strangled by fear. Fear has them in a goddamn chokehold.  

I won't live like that anymore. 

I am the right person at the wrong time… and maybe one day timing will play in our favor. Then again, maybe it never will. 

For now though, I am focused on myself and getting all my ducks in a row. My book series is the golden ticket and I know I have barely scratched the surface of exposing it to the world. 

And, although, I said I would never visit Paris again, my book series is leading me back next year. Never say never… life is too short for that! 

My book series has a new muse. Thank you, EW for the inspo. 

Things now that are on the trajectory: 

1. making my novels into a film series
2. moving to LA or London
3. meeting Ed, Alex, and Norman, and finally thanking them for what they have inadvertently helped me create

Just wait! It will happen… because everything I want always does. 

Watch out world, there is a new couple to obsess over and a new face to see. And that is me! 

Yes, rhyming was intended. 

Hugs to you all… go after what you want, know your worth and don't worry about how you will get there… just keep going. 

~x 

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