The Memories Linger

 Growing up, I didn't have a sisterhood. I didn't have an alliance of ladies with whom I did everything with. I didn't partake in many sleepovers or spend my weekends with a core group of girls because most girls were terribly mean.  Jealous. Clique(ish). Petty. Bullies. Just shitty. It’s why and how I learned to fight. 

Throughout elementary and middle school, I was happy enough with my one or two close gal pals!  That's all I really needed. 

In high school, girls became more vicious and the trust was only held in one girl’s hands. We did everything together. She was also the only “friend” who did not sleep with my boyfriend. 

For a while, I didn't really have any girlfriends. My friend's list was all dudes and I was content with that. They were like brothers. Protectors. Fun to be around and had my back at a moment’s notice. 

Then something happened a few years into my college days… I met a tribe of women that I not only trusted but bonded for life with. They weren't jealous or mean or petty. It wasn't always perfect and fights happened given how close we were but all in all, they were my crew. My house became of hub of feminine energy and was dubbed Casa De Epic because not only did three of us live together it was the meeting spot, the pre-party, post-party hangout. The potluck venue. The Saturday night in. 

My porch became the cheap bar around the corner, the Sunday lounge spot, and where we would all return if plans went awry. 

But, as all friendships go, we all grew from this place and had to move on… around all pockets of the world. Three of us moved to the west coast, a few moved only an hour or two away, some of us moved up east, while others moved out of the country. One by one we made a mass exodus from my home and that city we considered our stomping grounds.

It didn't matter though because we remained close. All of us in one way or another. Every single lady that was part of this crew saw me say, “I do.” 

And now we are all coming back together to say goodbye because one of us has unexpectedly passed away. 

This isn't the first friend I have lost in the past few years, but this is a friend I considered a sister. She was family to me regardless of life tool is in different directions and we didn't speak as often as we should have. It’s odd how death is always there to ultimately remind you of this. 

I found out on Sunday and for a brief moment I thought that the beautiful and sentimental texts and calls I received were just a fluke and I was on everyone’s mind. I didn't realize what was happening until I had the chance to speak to another soul sister. 

J has passed away. J is gone. Leaving behind a husband, a son, and all of us asking why the world can be so cruel. Asking why the universe seems to pluck off some fine souls yet keeps others around unscathed and untouched. 

I am broken up about it, but mainly I am in my angry stage… because it just doesn't seem fucking fair. 

I have shared so many memories with this woman. Camping trips, dance parties, bonfires, cookouts, music shows, bike rides, laughter and tears. She was as part of me as I was to her. And, no matter where we went in life, we still showed up when the important things mattered. I was there for her wedding, her baby shower, her moving out of town, and starting a life elsewhere. We even made it a point to do Zoom calls during the pandemic. And, like I said, she showed up for me as well. 

It didn't matter how much time had passed. We were there for each other. We were bonded through life and Casa De Epic. We were sisters that you got to choose along the way. 

I never imagined she would be the first to go. Honestly, I had hoped all of us would grow old together. 

And, I am so pissed about this. I am infuriated that what I have been saying so long about time and connections being so precious has now been tested by death and what happens after. 

Life happens but bonds are something that never disappear. 

J, you will be immensely missed. You will be forgotten and our shared memories will live on for eternity. 

Readers, if you have a connection with someone… reach out. Time doesn't matter. Memories do. 

Because in a flash, it can all disappear. 

🖤