Ushering In

                            *image found on the internet*

Happy Fall Equinox… Everyone… Wherever you are. 

With each season brings new-found change and I for one am happy summer is over. It was a rough one. Emotionally speaking. At the tale end of it though, I received the greatest gift ever— a new set of eyes for my second book. I found my inspiration and it was inside of me the entire time. I just had to travel to Paris to realize this. 

Last night when I was relaxing I got to thinking about everything that has transpired over the last few months. Being used for someone else’s gain, having the rug pulled from under me, and facing the truth about how someone I truly cared about felt about me. I'm not angry. I'm just sad and disappointed in them. 

But with the changing of the guards comes a new perspective and that is this: I needed to see the truth so I could take the rose-colored glasses off. And just like they served a purpose in my life— that I will forever be grateful for— I feel I served a purpose in theirs as well. 

I feel, in a way, I brought them back to life, and when everything came crashing down as it did; I hope I showed them that their heart does actually exist. Going through life using people and throwing daggers in the backs of others because you don't want to face reality, will always catch up to you in the end. 

Letting me go, had to be done. It was the only way to rectify the damage that had been done. 

I often think of myself as a vessel. I come into people’s lives and offer love and safety. I help people grow, and then like the leaves that fall and fade away, I do the same. Yes, it breaks my heart every time… but I know one day they will come back around and tell me how grateful they were that I was there for that rare moment in time. 

I brought clarity and chaos, but I made them choose. I made them do something besides staying stagnant in a life they refused to act on. I showed them what it meant to fight for something worth fighting for: be it another person or a different path they want to be on. 

Staying comfortably numb isn't living. Avoiding isn't living. Running away and building lies on a fake facade only makes the road harder to walk on… And struggling is not living. 

I know what occurred has made this person think twice before acting the way they were accustomed to. I know what happened has made them do better… or at least that's what I hope. 

One day, I know I will find out. 

For now, though, my role was for the sake of a lesson and although it wasn't the lesson I wanted to learn, I needed to be taught it as well. 

I am okay. I am happy for the most part—even without the resolve. I might have lost a friend and myself for a little while, but I did find my soul in the end. 

Love to you. 

~x