Give Me Everything and I Will Give You More

 Give Me Everything And I Will Give You More

I woke up this morning with this weird feeling in my gut! My intuition is on high alert or it's playing tricks on me. Which happens on occasion, I will admit. I'm not even sure what is going on because I can't exactly put my finger on what I am feeling and why. 

I even went as far as canceling my plans today to drive into the mountains and go soak in a hot spring. I thought maybe my feelings had something to do with driving a distance and that wouldn't be safe. Alas, this nagging feeling is still here. 

I worked out and tried again to clear my mind but that was only temporary and I'm still wracking my brain as to what exactly is going on. What is my gut trying to tell me? 

Everything seems to be in order and there aren't any real concerns sitting at the forefront but for the last 48 hours, my intuition is saying something else. 

I dislike not knowing because I feel like I have zero control and I know I can't control most things but when it comes to myself, control is necessary. It keeps me grounded and prepared for uncertainty and less likely to lose my shit. 

I don't think this has anything to do with family or close friends but I will check on everyone as the day progresses and maybe this is just the effects of Mercury going direct and me feeling that instead. 

Honestly, I truly hope that’s what it is. I truly hope this is nothing and like I said it's just my intuition getting the best of me. 

I just don't know though and that is bothering me to my core. I am trying to shake this monkey off my back but it has latched on to hitch a ride, speaking gibberish in my ears so I can't understand what it wants or it needs. 

“Are you hungry, little one?” 

“Are you cold, my little guy?” 

“Answer me, please!” 

No response. Just stairs. 

No help from the monkey. 

I'm on my own with this one. 

I could say what I think is going on but I don't want to assume-not to mention-if it is what I think is, that truth would brutally hurt. So I am going to stay blindly in this corner to not face that pain. 

Because again... it's out of my control and not having control is something I am not used to. 

Believe me, I don't always want control either... Even though it is vital to my heart’s survival. I have just been conditioned to never loosen my grip... Because the second I do... I AM FAILED BY SOMEONE OR SOMETHING. Having that control at least keeps me guarded and protected and allows things to roll more easily off of my back. 

But does staying guarded really do all that much? Is it the best safety net after all? 

Sometimes, I do just want to fall. Maybe that's what today is all about. Trusting the unknown and things I can not figure out straight away. Maybe what I am feeling today is for a future lesson I have to learn. 

Maybe I just have to let go and see what comes my way. Maybe no matter how hard I am trying to decipher that monkey on my back or control what I can't, is just preventing me from seeing what I need to see instead. 

Maybe I should just stop worrying and live for the moment right now. Maybe all these feelings are nothing and just a test of patience and vigilance. Maybe it's all about taking a step back to catch a glimpse of the bigger picture at hand. 

~UPDATE AND A FEW HOURS LATER~

Light was brought to the situation. My intuition was correct in that it pertained to the person I thought this feeling was about. That's all... Nothing more and nothing less. I just knew something happened and I was 100% accurate. Something did. 

It should also be known this intuition goes both ways. No! I wasn't okay. The two days of the silence was for a reason. 

Until Next Time,

~x~

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