The Mask and the Mixtape

 The other day I wrote about dreams. Not of the ‘personal goals’ variety but actual dreams you have when you sleep. 

I have them all the time. I remember them mostly and sometimes they are eerily accurate. 

And sometimes they don’t make any sense at all! 

But if you are, like me, the type of person that knows most dreams mean more than just another show you watch when you fall sleep… dreams run deeper than one psychological book would say. They are more in-depth than what you have on your mind that day. 

Bear with me if you have heard this all before but here we go again with the mystery I have been trying to solve for almost a year now. 

A while back I noticed a new follower on Spotify. I noticed them right away. I don’t have a large amount to begin with but what stood out was their name. If I put the letters together, I came up with someone I actually knew. I blame all those road trips I took as a kid where we played the license plate game or the fact that vanity plates are such a thing now. I also blame years of schooling and using acronyms to remember information that would be later used on a test. I also noticed right away that one of their two playlists literally said MADE FOR then my Spotify name. I followed them back immediately because I was intrigued. Even though most of the playlist I would have to translate given that it was in another language. 

The timing of this playlist was also impeccable. As if it was started right after this person took a trip to another foreign land. *I say this because of what happened right as someone I know was traveling to this same place and what I was thinking about in my head.* That is a whole other post entirely.

I swear… somewhere in a past life I was a Private Investigator or witch… even though I claim a little of both right now. 

If I let myself get carried away, I am almost certain they are talking to me 90% of the time through the songs they choose to pick. However, that 10% keeps me grounded and doubtful. It could all just be some wild coincidence… even though I don’t really believe those exist. 

Yes, I know. If you look hard enough, you can always find something that relates… but when I wrote my post about dreams the other day…their playlist had changed and was directly correlating to the subject at hand. 

Leaving me no choice then to once again assume that those songs were meant for me to find. I can’t shake the similarities because I can’t shake that I know who this might be. And to be honest, I don’t want to ask out right for fear that I might be wrong. Being wrong would mean my intuition has led me astray and my ego got in the way. My intuition is one of the most reliable things I have. It’s never steered me down a misleading path. Never. Not once in 42 years! So, if I am wrong… that would be devastating. 

The thing is, I just don’t understand why it’s so hard to have an actual conversation? If this Spotify person is really the same person I think it is. 

The other thing is… maybe I am completely wrong about these oddly placed connecting dots and that MADE FOR ME is honestly made for someone else? I can’t discredit the vagueness but at the same time, I can’t discredit everything matching as well. 

I’m in a goddamn conundrum. 

To begin with, if it is the person I think it is, I never believed I meant enough to them to create a playlist specifically for me. 

Although… I really wish they would make another one WITH ALL ENGLISH SONGS AND LYRICS THAT LITERALLY SAY THIS IS FOR YOU. Like the proverbial jerking of my head to say YES! 

Since they only have two and the two they created could literally be made for the masses… I wonder if I’m over here being dumb and overthinking everything. 

Sometimes I wish my brain wasn’t such an introspective one! Sometimes I wish I didn’t notice details and was oblivious. 

Here’s what I can’t dismiss…the playlist always seems to coincide with my latest blog post as well. So yea… this too could be an indication that this is not the person I think it is, just someone who is responding to what I am writing. And that’s okay too… I just wish I had the answer. 

All-in-all, I appreciate the new music regardless. I love music and like this person’s playlist, songs speak to me often. Doesn’t matter the language they are in. 

This playlist is like a mask that I feel sometimes is a safe way to share vulnerabilities. And I completely get that… most of my playlists act the same way. They are versus full of words I can’t muster the strength to say. A diary of sounds that explain what is truly in my heart. 

Again though, when it comes to their musical mixtape, I don’t have the self-esteem to fully believe their playlists are meant for me. 

I’ve never been one to think of myself as someone who turns heads or has someone wanting me in a way that almost aligns with a secret admirer. I know I’m pretty and pretty rad but yea… I have always stayed humble to the idea that I’m nothing special and that okay. 

Still, I would love to know who this is… and if this is directed to me and if I am correct in my assumptions. I would love to know if what I feel in my gut is absolutely, without a doubt, right on the nose.

The only way that will happen if is this person comes forward. If the veil they hide behind is finally uncovered. 

I’m such a straight forward type of person that this form of communication is so unfamiliar to me. It is new territory that I am unsure about how to navigate. I battle with what I feel in my heart and what the world wants me to think… no one cares that much. Not about me anyway. 

Maybe some beautiful person that is longed for but not me. Not the average girl that blends in with a room. 

If I could say anything… I guess it would be this… either way I appreciate the sentiments and how all these signs make me think. I’m here. You are validated. And music is everything. Maybe now though, through this post, you feel confident enough to show me who you are. 

We’ll see, I guess. 

Until Next Time. 

~X~