Postcards From Italy

 

Hello Friends! It’s been a minute, hasn’t it? Again… I apologize for my absence but there are reasons for the lapse in posting and thankfully most of them aren’t bad. The only terrible thing out of the lot was being sick. I am a preschool teacher by day and lo and behold with that career path comes catching every single thing that runs through my school. The latest illness was a respiratory infection which knocked me for a loop. 

Luckily, I’m on the mend now and it’s just in time for my upcoming holiday. This time next week y’all, I will be in a spot I truly adore… surrounded by loved ones and lady friends. I will be in Italy and I can’t wait!!! 

Unfortunately though, there is only one thing about this trip that I am bummed about. I was hoping to catch up with a friend I haven’t seen in decade while there but given circumstances-which I truly believe are excuses-will not happen now. 

Of course, I am saddened by the news but in last years teachings of how people are and how people make others a priority-I am not surprised in the least and have learned to accept my role in certain individuals lives. I have come to terms with where I stand. 

Last year I learned all about this. It never made the lesson easier each time, I just have gotten used to it. I am no longer as upset about not holding the same important space I give. 

This I wanted nothing more than to catch up with my friend and say, “My god… look how long it’s been!” And I figured I made it as easy as possible for them to come to me. I mean… we are only a few hours away but here’s the thing about that… even the easiest way still is too much to ask and quite frankly, I don’t need to make myself a convenience in order for someone to make me a part of their life. I’m not a bodega after all. 

People make choices. They make time for what they want… which is another lesson I have learned. I am as busy as they come but if something is important to me there is no excuse in the world that will keep me away. So now it’s time to choose myself for myself and let all the other choices hang by the wayside and my choice has been to accept and let go of that important tie that binds me to others. Especially when I’m the only one holding that knot ever so closely. 

I said this last year but it bears repeating… the toughest lesson with all that I have learned was understanding that some people-no matter the bond that was created-will disappear the second they actually have to show up. The very second their actions must meet their words. 

You see, it’s easy to say you care. It’s easy to spit tales that make people linger… it’s harder still though to show that what you say is what you truly mean. And in this ever advanced technological, texty, instant messenger, emoji speak world doing vs. saying is a novel concept. 

I won’t let this hinder my trip or make it any less enjoyable though… it’s just disappointing truth I had to see. A truth I otherwise had to succumb to and a lost opportunity my friend will ultimately have to live with. 

But to be brutally honest… like I always am… just turning 42 has helped with this acceptance. It has made the blow of this disappointing news easier to take. At 42, I just don’t have the time or energy to waste on fickle friends anymore. 

Sure, I will remain the same and check in from time to time because that’s me and I refuse to turn into another heartless asshole who believes human connections are expendable… I’m just not going out of my way the way I used to. I’m not making myself a freely available resource whenever someone has the time. Again… choices and the beds that we make. 

Be there or don’t. 

Besides, I have bigger priorities to focus on other than whether or not I have place in someone’s life. 

For starters… MY BOOK! It went public last month and I have been promoting it pretty regularly. Which takes time and effort. I make videos not only for my book’s Instagram page but also my TikTok. I write blurbs that advertise and create a buzz. I write posts to entice readers… enough to hit that purchase button. It’s fun, don’t get me wrong… it’s not painstaking or grueling work… it’s just extra obligations that need to be done. It’s just one more thing I have to do in a limited time frame to do it. And when I say “limited”… yes, I am talking about staying current with this book that was just released but I am also talking about hours in a day. 

Going back to my day job… 

I work an hour away from where I live. I don’t mind it, I actually prefer it. There is a separation. However, the commute can be exhausting and I’m usually home no later than 6pm. Which leaves me about four hours to do whatever needs to be done, including dinner, before my eyes start to forcibly close. 

As of late, my presence as work has been needed earlier which means I’m now up even earlier than before… which in turn has me even more exhausted once the sun goes down. I like sleep so I’m not upset by this… I am just still trying to adjust. 

And adjusting from owning my own business and working my own hours to adhering to a set clock has been a wild ride. I’m not as stressed as I was so that’s a fair trade off but I do truly miss working from home and not having to get up right after the sun says hello. 

I do miss having more time in my day to chase passions and dreams. I do miss being able to sit for several uninterrupted hours to write. I do miss not having an alarm dictate my daily life and I do miss not only having the weekend to do everything I truly want to do. 

And speaking of that… now that book one of my debut novel series is out, I have to figure out when in the hell I will have the time to finish book two and three. I have already been told by several people that they can’t wait for book two to come out and although I have loosely written ten chapters for book two and am almost certain the direction I want book three to go, I still need the time to write them. And right now, that’s my biggest issue. 

I wrote the first book in about six to eight months but as a whole it took about a year and a half from creation to finished product to get done and it was only done in that short amount of time because a large chunk of my day was dedicated to it. 

I’d wake up and write. I would then work for my small business a few hours and go back to writing my book immediately after… often times well into the late night hours. I wrote pretty much every day, all day for almost two years! Now, I barely have time to write for this blog but again… with this whole choices theme I got going on, it’s all about priorities and doing what I really want to do. 

So it’s Saturday night and I’m writing for my blog instead of going out. I’m packing for my trip instead of decoding a Spotify playlist that I am still confused by. Is it really created for me and who is the person behind said playlist? 

Oh well, I guess that mystery will be solved another night. 

I’m not only excited to get to Europe just to be in Europe again but also… I’m thrilled to get the time to write. I foresee myself sitting at a café or somewhere outside or some hidden nook in the spots I’m staying at with my laptop in tow… using Europe as creative inspiration. It seems fitting seeing how, my book is loosely based on an event that took place in Europe 21 years ago. 

The country was different but the vibe is the same. Something happens to me when I visit Europe in general. It is part of my heart and soul and one of my happy places. And to add even more amazing to this trip… I am once again flying through Iceland on my way back home. 

I did this back in 2019…. right before Covid swept over the entire globe and that one trip changed my life. It started in Europe and ended in Iceland and I came back a whole new person ready to set out and do the things I artistically craved. I started writing again right after that trip… and like dominoes, everything fell into place shortly thereafter. One thing after the other. 

So despite not be able to see my dear friend, I am relishing in my holiday. I will soak it all in and see how I grow from this trip as well. 

42 is starting out alright and I will take it… given the 10 month chaotic circus I just came out of. The book is out, living in the city is lovely and going back to Europe with copies of my book in hand is some kinda surreal… even though I truly dislike that word. And even though I’m not 100 on working for someone else, I am grateful I am back working with kids. 

Well, folks… that’s about it. Just a little hello and check in and a way to say, “I’m still here… doing the damn thing.” 

Take care of you and I will write again soon. 

Until next time, 

The Blogging Bae

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5D2tFswmU2ldLvj5hotyvf?si=w5rddULHR8Kb0l18LsMWxA