Before I Go

 I thought yesterday was going to be my last post for the year but then I woke up this morning with not only thoughts swirling about but also the discovery of having an impromptu day off. The only thing on my agenda for today is a meeting with my editor. I also woke up and immediately checked my stats for this blog, And there you are again, Portugal. Reading what I wrote. I am entirely grateful. Again, I don’t know who you are but that fact that this lady is being read over there, still throws me for a loop every time. I am humbled by it.

As a matter of fact, I am planning a trip to visit this country in 2023. I have been all over Europe but have yet to visit this beautiful place. I hear good things and I cannot wait until I can finally say I have visited this country as well. I cannot wait to roam your city streets and explore your countryside. I can’t wait to stuff my face and immerse myself in your culture. I am happy and excited and looking forward to my future travel plans.

Which brings me to today’s topic. Things to be giddy about. Okay, okay… maybe some of you don’t want to hear anything positive today, which I understand. How could you not want to get out of this mood? You are constantly inundated with it. A perpetual, angry wheel in motion. As I scrolled through my social media this morning, I noticed an ongoing trend-DOOM AND FUCKING GLOOM! Now I know, there are a ton of horrific things to report on… on a daily basis… but don’t you think for one minute that there is just as much beauty in the world as there is strife? I know we have a lot of healing and work to do but don’t you think for one second that there are stories about this too? I would even be willing to bet that there is more of these tales than those that show us at our worst but “happy” doesn’t sell headlines and people getting along and doing good things doesn’t make for clicks and shares. 

And, that’s why I am back… because dammit… there is a variety of amazing out there and I’m exhausted from this terrible train wreck I am being forced to digest. I’m not stupid, I know the world is full of assholes! That’s what happens when there are billions of people sharing the same space. However, I also know that the world isn’t as disastrous or morbid or fucked up as these headlines want to claim. I know that there is a fair amount of beautiful out there too. Most importantly and quite frankly, I am over my country especially being in the limelight of  the violence and chaos. Vast majority of us aren’t gun toting, flag waving, angry Karens and Kyles. Most of us can actually get along despite our differences. It’s not a war zone over here. We aren't dodging bullets or getting in bar fights. We aren’t acting terribly to one another and we aren’t making it our life’s mission to reenact the most violent movie you’ve ever seen. Most of us aren’t the selfish pricks you see on TV. Most of us are not a rich housewives from everywhere, a Kardashian, the tool you see on You Tube, or the crazy neighbor you heard about on the news. Most of us are kind and loving and welcoming. Most of us care about the environment, animals and other people. Most of us would put the phone down to help you. 

Yes, I feel the world has gone mad but mainly that’s because it’s all I am seeing. It’s also because humans are at a tipping point and are done dealing with the bullshit injustice that not only encompasses American culture but all over the world. This is a trickle effect and until humans are treated equally: chaos and war and fighting and hate and anger will always be the repercussions. It has always been like this… we just now get to see it more frequently and we’re more connected to it than ever before. We are being conditioned to accept this as the everyday when in fact, it isn’t the case. So a group of assholes want to act foolish and do damage. Tell me something new… because from where I stand there has always been a group of assholes who want to do something foolish and cruel. But what about that group that is cleaning up the ocean or that kid you saw picking up trash or what about that woman that gave money to the homeless guy or the restaurant that is feeding people free of charge. What about the woman that gave up her seat for an older gentleman or the man who opened the door for a grandmother? What about the group of teens that decided to make sure every student at lunch has someone to sit with or what about the random stranger that smiled at you today? Where and when do all these folks come in? And, I’m not talking about things that are purposely filmed…. I am talking about you… just living your life and people watching and viewing all the good that humans do. 

Here is a test. For the next month… watch carefully. Observe all the things around you. Just sit back and notice how truly kind and gentle humans are with one another. There are times when I lose my faith too. When I question humanity and the direction we are headed as a whole but then I am reminded of places like Portugal and the person who reads this blog there and I am reminded that humans do care. They do want to support and they do want everything and everyone to end up okay. 

I feel like my blog yesterday was a little on the brooding side. I was kinda in a mood. Just frustrated with a few people in my life and the realization that some folks I put on a pedestal never deserved that title to begin with. It’s not their fault, I gave them this title without hesitation when they literally never earned it. They never deserved to mean as much to me as they always did because it was mostly one sided. I was just there for them. Never amounting more than a place in the bottom tier. That doesn’t mean that these are the only examples of people that exist in the world or in my life. There are so many other. There are many in my corner that care about me. They want to talk to me, they want to see me succeed, they want to celebrate my tiny victories, they want to help me up if I fall and they want to be there when I fail… to reassure, not to gloat. They want to support just for supporting’s sake. And I may only be able to count on one hand the times people have reciprocated a mutual human connection and effort that entails but you know what? It’s a massive quality that far surpasses the quantity. And just like in social media, my focus was on this shit pile instead of the shiny diamond sparkling in the corner. 

That’s waisted energy on the wrong resources. That negative energy fuels negative thinking that perpetuates negative vibes. And I have so much to be excited about. I have so much love in my heart that I can’t focus on that sad song anymore. The shit pile is stinky and gross and the shiny diamond is pretty and inviting so love or hate it, I’m moving on. My focus has been planted elsewhere. 

The few situations and people that make me sad, only come in spurts compared to the rest of the time. Mostly, I am reminded of how truly lucky I am. I am reminded of the soul I possess and how many honor that. I am reminded that this world is full of genuine souls that aren’t jealous or greedy or hurtful or selfish or entitled or vicious ghosters that use up every person they encounter. I am reminded that there still are people who want to get it right. I am reminded that even if I can’t fix the world’s problems or be special to certain folks, I can fix myself and be special to those who actually count. 

Again… I am not sure if this will be my last post for the year but going into Thanksgiving it will at least be for the rest of the month. And, I’m going to do what I asked you all to do. I am going to observe and just watch. Take notice of all the kind acts being done around me. 

Thanks for listening and before I leave, I have to give you an UPDATE:

I had to take a break from this post and handle my meeting with my editor. I guess my three weeks paid off. Not only was she impressed with how quickly and seriously I took her suggestions and the revision of my manuscript but she compared my book to Bridget Jones’s Diary. That is huge. 21st century not Jane Austin/18th century HUGE! I can’t stop smiling and I am so, so proud. I hope my book is the next Bridget Jones’s and I had to let you all be some of the first to hear exactly why I am so giddy! 

Oh and one more thing… after my meeting, I checked my blog stats… I see you too, France. Thank you for stopping by. Again, I am not sure who you are but I appreciate you and I am thankful. And yes… your country is still making sure I notice it. Last night a random rerun from the 90’s era came on and low and behold, the episode was taking place in Paris. I. Give. Up. Lol. Unfortunately, I’m not sure when I will visit your country again but it will always hold a special place in my heart. No matter what. 

Big Hugs to you all. Be kind and be grateful and as always, keep moving forward. 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0kYO1a7OIFn6xS994tLrpB?si=I-1LFkovS4Kmi8lnIVEnEw *book inspired by this playlist… hit play and enjoy.