Gold Dust Woman

Mercury Retrograde came and went...did you mark yourself safe or did you walk away slightly scathed? Did you make it through without incident or did you lose your shit a few times along the way? 

From what I hear...more folks were in the tiny boat tipping over rather than on the luxurious cruise ship sailing by. And to that I say, Thank Goddess...I wasn’t the only one. 

Life. 

It will test you. 

It will teach you. 

It will break you. 

It will force you to continue...even when you can’t muster the strength to make another step. 

Cheers though....

Here’s to you and your chapters...tell your story. Always. 

And don’t gloss over the gritty parts. 

Don’t make excuses for falling or flying....because in order to fly...you most certainly have to crash land a few times...you have to learn how to manage the weather and maneuver the plane and those are great accomplishments. Be sad. Be proud. You’re allowed both not just one of the other. 

My buddy, Mercury Retrograde and I-we usually get along. I understand it’s meant to bring chaos and inconveniences...I usually do a dance with it. I dodge its flailing arms and steps that sweep me off my feet. This Mercury Retrograde though, well it got extra wild. It got a hold of the whiskey bottle then a keg and went balls to the wall.

I offered it water and food and possibly a place to nap for a while but it wasn’t having any of that. It fought me until I raised the white flag and let the drunk bitch hijack the entire bar. 

And sometimes that’s all you can do...you just have to surrender to the moment...let go and let the cards fall where they may. 

Because that’s what the cards will do regardless and because this is easier than going crazy over what you can’t control. 

Mercury Retrograde was an angry little asshole this go round and if this is any indication for how all MR’s are going to occur in 2021 then y’all...I’m telling you this...the white flag won’t be coming down. It will be locked in place. I’m not fighting this beast. I have bigger fish to fry. 

2020 was all about opening myself up while be forced to stay put. An oxymoron of sorts. Dreams I always pushed to the side finally came to the forefront. I went forth with little outside movement. I created. I did. I look back and smile. 

2021 I’m just trying to keep that momentum...even if I get thrown off course. My drive for the future has been amplified. Things have changed. My past. My present. My now. All hurling at me in an unfamiliar yet oddly familiar way. 

The spark that was ignited in 2020 became a guiding light. The things I want will happen. The goals and dreams I want to obtain will occur...just not yet. I still have to be patient. Everything has its place and time. 

On the inside...the wheels are spinning. Just like they always have been. But the difference between now and then...these wheels of careful introspection are becoming deliberate action. 

Focus becomes fortune telling. 

In 2020 I found another part of my voice. Another side that had be silenced and dismissed. Hushed and watered down. 

Like that Cyndi Lauper lyric goes, 

“Some boys take a beautiful girl

And hide her away from the rest of the world

I wanna be the one to walk in the sun

Oh girls, they wanna have fun

Oh girls just wanna have.” 

I am ready to have some fun. I’m ready to stop hesitating. I’m no longer willing to hide this beautiful girl away from the rest of the world. 

I waged that war on myself for long enough. I’ve carried the weight of all my mistakes for far too long. This cozy cocoon is finally cracking. 

We all hold this flame! Yet for some of us, we either snuff out the fire when it gets too bright or we fear its warm, radiating glow. Most of us are too cautious to take the torch and run with it. 

But I’m here to tell you...no one deserves to hide in the dark. It’s cold and damp and lonely. We all need soulful nourishment. We all need to feel loved and supported and not just by others but by ourselves. None of us have to stumble in the darkness forever. We all need to look at our own reflections and see the magnificent creature staring back. 

Life is messy. It’s complicated. It’s full of mysterious moments...but even with all of that...it’s still one giant ass beautiful fucking story. 

Personally, fear has been the one thing that’s ultimately held me back. So many times I’ve doubted my own self on every level because internally...there’s a wounded little girl that got slammed down by life’s destruction more than once. Externally though lies a fierce warrior that has danced with the devil and walked with a wolf. 

Both sides compliment the other. The dark meets the light in well choreographed motions. They need and rely heavily on one another. 

But there is this middle part and it’s called the in between...and sometimes this space turns into feeling stuck. Right now, a lot of us are feeling collectively stuck...because we literally are. We’re in a pandemic but not just that, our lives are changing in major ways and there’s reluctance...a tug of war between comfort and adjusting. 

I felt this energetic shift on the first day of 2020 and it hasn’t wavered ever since and although, I’m excited to see what pans out...that unpredictability is terrifying. The unknown has become my new norm. 

I see a version of my life that fills my heart with utter bliss. I envision it. I walk towards it. I work for it. I know it’s there but it scares the shit out of me. I’m nervous that it will just always be there and I will always just be reaching for it. I worry that what I want won’t want me back? The Life List will reject me. The vulnerable little girl will keep the warrior queen in her cage. 

I know I’m not alone in this. I know most of us are going through some sort of energetic existential crisis. We are all examining life and what our nexts steps should be. 

I am one of many whom live life differently. It took me a long damn time to get on solid ground...and in some parts, I’m still walking on very fragile earth. I don’t fit into a specific box or mold and with that has come accepting this as not being flawed. 

I’m precious...I’m part of a rare stone. 

I’m Raw and uncut. Sparkling when the sun hits just right. 

Mercury Retrograde’s are meant to make us look inside ourselves and this one did just that. It was a bratty, pain in the ass and I would have much preferred the vibe of awesome that was occurring prior to its ridiculous visit, but at this point...it popping up in such a manner didn’t surprise me one bit. 

And tonight when I looked up and saw a glorious full moon staring back at me I remembered one thing: we’re all just here on this path that will take us whenever it’s meant to go.

Are are here...this is your map. You made it through 2020 and 2021’s first Mercury Retrograde with minor cuts and bruises...pat yourself on the back. 

Celebrate this fact. 

Give yourself some love. 

Take this shit show in stride but most importantly...understand the unexpected is now most definitely the most consistent thing we have. 

~x~

Hope

🎧Music Inspiration For Post🎧

~a mixture of Sade and Fleetwood Mac songs.