72 Hours.

 A few days ago a stranger came up to me and told me to look for the butterflies. At first, I was taken aback. For starters, I wasn’t sure she was talking to me or what but secondly, I wasn’t sure what she was talking about? Maybe under her mask, I misunderstood? So I looked behind me thinking she was telling me to go for a specific brand-given we were at the grocery store when this happened. She laughed and said...”No. You need to look for butterflies. You know the insect? They are symbols for you...and you need to pay attention when you spot them.” And then just like that she walked away. 

I wish I could tell you this has been my first off the wall conversation that has occurred with a completely random stranger but it’s not. I’m used to these type of weird interactions happening to me all the time. I’m used to strangers coming up to me and passing along universal messages. I’m used to people I don’t know approaching me and telling me their life story which somehow relates to situation I am going through. I’m used to these rare moments that would make others question what the hell just happened? I’m used to the universe doing whatever it can to get my damn attention. I’m used to being blown away by ‘What The Fuck’ situations. 

And to be brutally honest, I have zero clue what the butterfly means. My totem animals have never included this magical little flying creature. And living in the climate that I live in...I don’t think I have seen a butterfly in years. No...my totem animals are frogs, owls, black cats, hawks, beetles, bees, and ladybugs....but never has it been a butterfly. And I know as we evolve so do our totems yet I don’t even know where to begin to look for one...or what association it has...or what message I am supposed to decipher when they appear?

But after this crazy yet interesting interaction...I am intrigued and I will now pay more attention. Just like I do with all other totems and symbols. Oh yes...I have symbols too. One specifically is the heart and I see that shit everywhere. Yea...I get it...it’s a heart. They are everywhere but I’m saying seeing a heart shape where heart shapes don’t belong. Shit like that. 

After the grocery store run in...I came home and Googled what seeing a butterfly  means and this is what I found:

“Butterflies are not only beautiful, but also have mystery, symbolism and meaning and are a metaphor representing spiritual rebirth, transformation, change, hope and life. The magnificent, yet short life of the butterflyclosely mirrors the process of spiritual transformation and serves to remind us that life is short.”

Well...okay...I agree. I am on some sort of journey. It’s the best way I can explain what occurred on January 1st, 2020 and every day after. It’s the best way I can describe that energetic shift and its weighted mystical blow. It’s been one hell of a wild ride filled with serendipitous synchronicities ever since. 

And regardless if I believe we all live many lives, the present one is the most important. It’s the only one that currently matters. 

So agreed...I’m on a journey and life is short...make the most of it. Got it. I’m getting out of my own way. I’m chasing dreams and releasing doubts and fears. I’m keeping the momentum and steady pace. I will get exactly where I hope to be. 

And in this short life I have had my fair share of experiences and journey’s and some of those have stayed by my side for the long haul. 

Two decades years ago a part of my story was one of those times and in my gut of guts I knew and know now that that story....that experience wouldn’t end there. It had a continuation. 

And in the past 20 years I couldn’t help but notice this tiny fragment of a chapter sporadically staring me down with blank pages wanting to be filled in. 

Randomly...and without explanation. 

However, when this story finally found its place back on my path, I couldn’t help but feel foolish for holding out hope after all this time that those pages would be filled equally. 

My experience didn’t match with someone else’s memories and why oh why did I ever believe they would? 

I was disappointed. I was bummed. I came to the conclusion I have watched one too many damn romantic movies. 

The thing is my intuition is usually spot on. In these brief moments of nostalgia all these years, I felt I was so close that I could feel this person so far away sometimes. 

And while a part of me judges myself for being that stupid, silly girl...thinking foolish thoughts like these...there’s another part of me reassuring myself that there was a reason for it all. There is a reason this person got stuck in my head the way they did. There is something larger at work. 

Regardless of what that is. 

In my heart though....I know had our paths crossed earlier. This story would be different. It would have a different ending. I would probably be living in Europe like I have always wanted to. Our connection...the one I remember would have continued. 

I also know that paths go as they should and in order to get here...I had to go through mine the way I did. Without this person. I wouldn’t be who I am today otherwise. I can’t hate on that. I can’t get angry with that. I respect it and wouldn’t change it but if I think back on all the energy that surrounded us during and after, I can’t disregard the precious encounter meaning something more either. 

Three years ago...I was told someone from my past would show up. I was told this multiple times and it’s applied a couple of other times but in a million years, I never believed it would apply to this person as well. I truly believed this person was the needle in the haystack and they’d never be found. 

They...so many times...were right under my nose but the timing was never universally aligned. I’m not even sure why timing happened to happen now...as it did...with such grand force that I was completely jolted out of my very own comfortable skin. 

But life is tricky like that. When you least expect something or when you are just about damn ready to give up on an idea all together, BAM! There it is...slapping you silly and knocking you to the floor.

And man...does my face hurt. I felt the slap and I feel silly. I can’t help it. 

My memories...the ones I’ve been holding onto are mine and mine alone. 

However, I’m not even sure how I’d feel if this person remembered me the way I remembered them. If when I finally found them and they replied, “Yes...I remember you very well” I’m not sure how I’d react to that bit of information? 

Relax...even though I might be feeling sorry for myself...I understand this is a healthy dose of reality. In my head there’s been a complete different narrative and I needed to hear, “I don’t remember you or this memory you have but it’s a beautiful story” to free myself from its clutches. 

I will still hold onto it and adore it and smile every time I think of it but reality overrides fantasy. It’s cathartic to see things as they are instead of how your head makes them to be. 

I know for a fact this person’s place in my life is bigger than what I am able to fully comprehend at this current time

I know it’s more than just a simple thank you needing to be said...because thank you has been said and yet a nagging feeling of something unfinished still remains. So...I just have to give patience to finding answers. I guess this year is all about unraveling mysteries....and apparently chasing butterflies. Hahaha. 

I’m confused and yea...I’m a little sad that what occurred with such effort and deliberation was all but forgotten about. Like, I was the only one there then just like that I was lost in a sea of others. Maybe a face to face conversation would jolt some awakened epiphany? I’m not dismissing this but I’m not also dismissing that my sadness is mostly coming from a bruised ego...ouch...you don’t remember me. Lol. 

At least I found my friend and discovered that needles in haystacks can be found as long as you don’t stop searching and funny enough...the lack of memory is now actually going to be my fan fiction writing motivation. 

I told myself this year I wanted to start on a fan fiction novel and by next year I wanted to have it published or be in the process of publishing it. The thing was I wasn’t connecting to any idea hard enough to write about it. Build characters and plot....but now I do. Might as well, right? Why not write a fan fiction novel on personal experience? Of course it will slightly be different from real life and include fictional characters but it will be based on 72hrs and then years later in my fucking life....and you’ll have to buy the book to find out what happens in the end. 😘

For now though: a taste...boy sees girl. girl sees boy. boy goes to great lengths to spend 72 hrs with girl. girl never forgets. girl finds boy years later. boy doesn’t remember....or will he? Dun, dun, dun. 

🎧music inspiration for blog post🎧

The entire playlist👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼hit link and enjoy. 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0t8agYuWLNVwwnkY0rsRfB?si=qBFZ8E69RtuSeawL3UEkSQ