Bury The Moon

We are constantly evolving. Who you are now will not be who you are later. The key in this transformation though....is to keep walking. To keep discovering...to keep uncovering layers and parts that are no longer necessary. To discard and build on as you see fit. To just keep being and doing and actively participating as the protagonist of your story. 

Life is meant to throw curve balls and not every day or year will be a highlight of the century....but those curve balls are still essential details to the chapters you write. 

Evolving indicates growth...and no matter how grown we think we are, there is always room for more. 

This year, much like previous ones has taught me about patience...and not just patiently waiting for my life to get where I fully want it to be but to have more patience as whole. I’m learning some parts of me need more silence than reaction because my knee jerk reactions don’t solve most things, in fact they tend to make things worse. I will admit this. 

We all have triggering points and I understand this fully and this year specifically, has shown me the worst in others as well as myself. I’m not immune. I am one of those overly emotional people....I feel everything. Every. Thing...and sometimes that wears thin on the soul. I don’t always have the ability or emotional stability to take myself out of any situation. I wish I did but it is what it is and I have accepted this. 

If I see a homeless person, I want to help with no judgement or curiosity to where my help will go. 

If I watch a sad film, I cry. 

If I see a melancholy human standing before me, I feel their burden too. 

I try to discard the weight of the world but unfortunately I carry that shit on my back...always trying to be proactive regardless of how heavy that crap might be. 

I’ve seen darkness and I have explored my shadow side. I completely think evolving means ripping apart those layers like they are a Christmas present you’ve been anxiously awaiting. This part makes up the whole. 

I’ve waded through cold, murky waters in order to find warm, dry land because I know...”when plans are being made, intentions are being laid.” 

Sitting in shit is stifling. It will choke you out. It will suffocate you. Believe me, I almost lost my life because of it but my theory goes like this: because I’ve been there, there is no other direction to go except the opposite one. The one you haven’t seen and often overlook because you feel helpless and stuck and lost. Some of the best routes on this thing called life are the detours you make along the way. And to be brutally honest...you have free will. YOU HAVE CHOSEN THAT DETOUR FOR SOME REASON. You may have not chosen it directly but your decisions led to it and you ultimately took the turn. 

Now your stuck in the metaphorical backwoods running for your life from the inbred hillbilly who wants to tie you up to a tree and turn your skin into a bathing suit....but you will soon find out that you survived and there was purpose behind the hard lesson you had to learn. 

This year has been tough for everyone. In one way or another. No one or one thing has been omitted from this equation. 

This year alone, for me, started in a doozy. My vehicle’s engine blew and my *mother almost died. Then the pandemic hit. 

*my mother, I now believe is a cat. She has almost died on me three times now: shortly after I was born, three months before my wedding, and right as the pandemic started.

This year is ending with my mom’s survival, my vehicle ending up being worth the new engine, and a pandemic forcing me to stay put and focus on things I have wanted to concentrate on but never did because I was always busy with some other excuse. I became a small business owner, I put energy into creative endeavors that surpassed my expectations, and a savings account that grew. I remember writing in the beginning of the year the amount I wanted to have saved by October 2020....I remember writing all the things I wanted to start and fulfill this year. I knew it would take diligence and dedication and I was reluctant as well as resentful that because I couldn’t go anywhere or do much of anything, I was forced to do these instead.  I was free of my free. What can I say, I’m a Taurus and I can’t stand being forced to do anything. However....that stubborn universal being was bigger than I and I submitted to it...I got over what I couldn’t do and focused on what I could and just went with it. 

I’ve made the best recipe out of this chaotic soup. And maybe that has to do with my age or my astrological sign or past hardships or the trials and errors of past experience or past oppressions or an accumulation of the wisdom learned through them all....regardless, whatever the reason I’m still standing to this day...I’m still standing...and I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful I haven’t let this year get the best of me. I’m grateful that even though I’ve been close, I haven’t completely lost my shit. 

Try again...2020...you will never pale in comparison to 2010/11 and 2016/17....and a little of 2018...no year ever will. Those were the catalysts...the tipping points of struggle, strife, and survival. The flight or fight moments where I did both, given the specific situation. 

Years that I learned: some stay, some don’t, failure doesn’t mean you failed-the planned just got foiled and it’s time to regroup, goals take persistence and effort, and following your dreams disturbs the herd. Most importantly though...sometimes you gotta “go your own way”...says Fleetwood Mac. 

And I agree. Evolving is a process that is in constant motion and it’s personal. Even when the wheels feels like they are rooted and spinning round and round and round and never going a damn place, they are. These wheels are moving in tandem with the life you are creating. Give it time and calm down. Breathe. Keep going. 

The whole world is going through this massive transformation. Antiquated ideologies are being thrown out the window and replaced with progressive beliefs that go with the times. So why would you think, your life is any different? We can’t live in the past. Just like in our own personal lives, staying put in a spot that no longer fits hinders possibilities and potential. Hang onto that tiny tee that no longer fits all you want you but for goodness sake, stop trying to wear it. Put it away and step into the place you are now. 

Make those plans and work towards them. The blips will come and go and will turn into that fleeting memory of, “Remember When.” 

Nothing is out to get you or purposely trying to destroy you. Unless you give it that energy and power and even if you have....there’s a lesson there. 

I could list all the shit that’s been thrown my way. Like a captured monkey tossing its poop in my face because I happened to be the next in line and the monkey’s over the constant spectator observing his daily behaviors. Believe me...I get it, I want to be the monkey minus the cage some days. I want to throw the shit right back...but then...who wins? We all end up getting dirty and who wants to smell like crap anyway? So I move. Another day, another step forward. Graciously accepting all that has come before me: the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful. 

.....Because not everything inevitably is a tragedy....even when we are so stuck on it being so. The tragic can become a beautiful disaster the needed to happen....it can be the best thing that ever happened, in this, your personal story....

With that I leave you this....a song from an artist I was introduced to last year while in Iceland. A artist that has gotten me through many a thing this year. A guy I woke up to hearing in my head this morning. A guy that had me finishing this post. A show that I was excited to see but got cancelled due to Covid...a performer I know I will eventually get to and a country he’s from that I will return to again one day. 

Happy Sunday, y’all. 2020 is almost over...we got this. 

~Ásgeir~Bury The Moon. 

I have buried the moon

Made a song for the stars

Decorated the sky

Same thing day after day

Decorated the sky

Same thing day after day

Moved the oceans around

Threw the mountains aside

Went to alien lands

Overflowing with dust

Went to alien lands

Overflowing with dust

Threw my cards on the desk

Put them into a pile

All these magical words

That have never been said

All these magical words

That have never been said

Walked on hot lava field

And the wind tempered down

Went through every ordeal

It was all done for you

Went through every ordeal

It was all done for you

Went through every ordeal

It was all done for you