Clear Eyes. Full Hearts. Can’t Lose

“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can About the only thThey push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

🖤Rob Siltanen

I’ve noticed a couple of things in the past few weeks, few months even...eye-opening things. Some things have been disappointing and downright heartbreaking while others have been inspiring and have reminded me that there still is love in this world. Some things have had me screaming and cussing out the human population while others have had me crying in camaraderie. Some things have caused me to act while others have caused me to react but most all of these ‘somethings’ have forced me to reflect.   

To say that this year has kept each and every one of us on our toes is an understatement of epic proportion. This year has slapped us silly! 

Repeatedly....from the time it started to where we are now-only six months in. 

Not only has this year made every idea, every condition, and every thought process to do a double take but it’s encouraged us (at least most of us) to re-examine ourselves and the world in which we live. 

Multiple times over, leaving us with careful and deliberate introspection...whether we wanted that self-reflection or not. 

Which begs a bigger question-how many of us have, in fact, used the last six months to sit back and contemplate how we ALL got here...in this very mess? A mess so tattered and torn that cleaning it up isn’t as simple as a light dusting over. This cataclysm needs deconstruction and a dumping of all things...we need to go Marie Kondo on that ass! 

It’s time for the long overdue overhaul! 

I went into 2020 assuming life would just continue as it always does. The next chapter. Another year gone and it the books, with a new one ready to play. 

But then...just like that. Nothing came. Everything stopped. The world went on pause. The entire planet bound and tied to silence and going inward and that stillness spoke volumes....it was louder than any irritable shout I have ever let out and as it turned out that nothing wasn’t ‘nothing’ after all. Nothing was actually something and this something was actually fucking huge. 

In my 40 years of life, I have come to terms with one valuable lesson: when everything seems to explode before your very eyes, there’s usually a reason for it and it’s unknown until it isn’t...until that moment, after the fact, where the mess makes sense and you now recognize that every thing falling apart was a precursor for something greater to come into fruition. The means to an end. The purging of what no longer fits. 

All it takes is one tiny spark to ignite the flame and inevitably that blaze becomes bigger. Real change starts to evolve. All that wasn’t necessary set on fire...to ensure there’s room for what is actually needed. 

The war that’s been waged, leaves you feeling helpless and alone. You are left with yourself standing on a mound of rubble...sifting through the ashes and surviving pieces left behind....wondering where to go from here? 

You damned that war because you were comfortable in a life you were just getting by in. But just getting by...doesn’t feed your soul...and most of us haven’t had our souls fed in a while. We have become zombies...but instead of violently chasing after brains and body parts...we’re chasing false happiness and status quo’s. Crushing anything and anyone that doesn’t fall in line...yet we still aren’t satisfied....no matter how much we have...no matter how “pleasant” our lives truly are. We’re still fighting each other along with the worst versions of ourselves. 

So we trudge forth...weapons in hand. Never comprehending that this battle was necessary. This fight is the only way. 

In the past six months, we have been exposed to deep seeded flaws in just about every system we as humans have had our hands in. From science to religion to education to home life to politics and ideologies...what we once thought and believed altered...at least in one variation or another. Making us literally stop in these unfamiliar yet all too familiar tracks. 

Some of us have looked for causes. We’ve scanned conspiracy theories, we’ve blamed opposing sides, and we’ve looked in the other direction. We’ve stayed quiet when we weren’t supposed to and gotten louder when it wasn’t required. We’ve missed all the signs because we thought we knew better and while we yelled instead of listen, that vibration kept us from coming alive. It kept us from repeating and correcting our mistakes....which only landed us right back to the same old mess. 

We’ve come up with excuses because excuses were effortless and didn’t warrant accountability but that inaction led us here. In this moment...of uncertainty...in this moment of standing unsupported and still. 

The easiest easy out was to point fingers and lay blame....but that gesture never changed a thing. It just pushed the issues aside-in hopes we’d forget all about them and go right back into our dreaded routines. Happily and quietly as if to not the rock boat...what isn’t broken, don’t fix...yet so many things on this boat are broken and we have become a sinking ship! 

And even though we wanted to disregard responsibility and take ownership in our faults, the consequential burden we didn’t want to bare, was still breaking our backs. 

Some of us didn’t want to face what was coming...yet many of us knew something most definitely was. We saw the pot boiling over, we heard the car screeching before the horrific crash....we felt an energetic shift. 

Life...life was showing us a map but we wanted to circumvent the long way instead of taking it step-by-step. 

We thought the shortcut would shave off some time...and save us the treacherous, painful walk we knew we had to climb. So we got lost and led ourselves to this giant mountain we now have to go over in order to get to the other side. 

But what if this mountain was actually part of this journey and what if it’s cracked and flawed isn’t that tragic after all? 

I know things seem so out of sync and so out of whack that it’s difficult to grasp such a theory. I know it’s hard to believe that something bigger is at play here but I know in my gut of guts that there is. I’ve felt this mammoth change since the very first day of 2020 and I can’t articulate nor express its explanation enough for what I felt to make sense but it was powerful and looming and ominous feeling in a weird and strangely beautiful way. 

This chaos was not done in vain. 

There is purpose...a justifiable reason...an unveiling to be had and I’m talking more powerful than any basement, backwoods  bullshit theory. 2020...the great awakening waiting for our full attention...it’s time to hand it the mic a listen...“CLEAR EYES, FULL HEARTS, CAN’T LOSE.” 

What if everything leading up to 2020 was all wrong? Giant errors made that we never really healed from...expecting a bandaid to cure an infected ailment...and the bandaid only made worse. It covered up the infection inside. What if taking “one giant leap for humankind” meant jumping over what we needed to learn? What if all these systems and structures were meant to collapse and the only way they could...is if we all took a sudden slap in the face step back? 

This mountain is massive and steep and before we can climb it, we have to figure out how? The short cut is no longer serving us...it’s up and over and through the woods we must go...that is if we ever really want to explore the other side. The beautiful glorious side waiting patiently for us to arrive. 

“You can do it,” said the mountain. 

“But it’s much to difficult...my bones are aching, my soul is breaking. I’m not sure I can go any further,” I replied. 

“Don’t give up...there is brightness and clarity up ahead...trust me...just keep walking this way,” the mountain responded. 

For most, this type of work is tedious and arduous. It’s time consuming and emotionally and physically draining. We don’t want to adult this hard nor do we ever want expose our dark and dingy shadow sides. 

But this isn’t the case. 

A viral pandemic then a viral video sent most of us reeling for what was. Our shadow work, although desperately trying to hang on for dear life, was full frontal. Most of us still mildly content with our comforts and our competition...and even our setbacks....but in all honesty, we’re we really still all okay? 

This was just another bump in the road, something we would overcome...yet again. 

But what if this “bump” was greater than that and what if ignoring it only meant we never really faced it? This beast would resurface time and time again until it was tackled and finally taken out. 

What if ignorance and comfort and easy outs never gave way to look that beast in its eyes? Speeding on by, unaware and unconcerned for the damage that that fast pace would do. We didn’t want to stop and heed the warnings of hazards up ahead so we just kept driving...pedal to medal, green light on go....plowing on through. Leaving the undercarriage dismantled, blaming the road instead of our decisions....letting the monster still live. 

We only thought of ourselves but never ourselves as part of the whole and what if all those parts: the messy, ugly, shitty parts are the exact parts that will make us better humans in the long run? What if this awakening was meant to shake us to our very core? What if it’s the only way to conquer this devil once and for all? 

From January to June, we’ve often looked back-wishing for what we once had. The freedom to go and do as we pleased, just like a few short months ago....but it took taking that away to understand what we took for granted. It took zero movement to notice a land and a people that were dying. 

It took the harsh realization to notice the injustices plaguing us to finally accept ‘normal’ wasn’t working anymore. 

What we had didn’t matter....until it finally did. We recognized who and what we left out because we assumed those things were doing ‘just fine’....and why not? Humans and Mother Earth forgave us every time. They both looked passed our flawed genetic makeup and generational teachings and forgave us throughout time.  Hoping eventually we’d get it right...but we never did. 

And that forgiveness didn’t help...it hindered correction. It perpetuated oppression. It exacerbated the brokenness. It became codependent on those fragile, fractured bones.

But this awful present doesn’t mean the future will be wretched too. 

It takes mass destruction for reconstruction to occur. It takes losing everything to see what truly is in sight? It takes removing what’s holding us back to finally move ahead. 

Maybe all these putrid layers need to be ripped off and this bandaid needs to be thrown away? And maybe, just maybe this explosion is necessary because let’s be honest...old habits always die hard and without the fire being thrust upon us...we’ll never change...we’ll never grow...we’ll never let go of what no longer fits. 

Maybe Marie Kondo was right all along? This is NOT bringing us joy and this no longer fits. 

We’ll never get to that level of being beautifully better hanging on this way. 

2020 has seen its fair share of devastation but it’s also seen unification and solidarity. Opposing sides banding together for the greater good. The source working in radial shocking ways....in the loudest voice I’ve ever heard. Unity doesn’t mean the loss of identity but when we start to walk in other shoes...we understand how our feet our much of the same and our unity isn’t a terrible thing. 

We switch from me and I to you and we and we learn that our weakest link isn’t a weight pulling us down but a hand asking to be lifted up. 

The source furious and fed up. Mother Earth unable to breathe. Oppression greater than its counterpart. Hate louder than love. Selfish deeds feeding a narcissist monster. 

All for what? Absolutely nothing! 

We can’t disregard two back-to-back events that made us literally stop what we were doing and rethink how we were living as a whole...just as happenstance? 

“This is a terrible year,” just doesn’t cut it anymore! We’ve had bad years before. 

We’ve had our roofs cave in a few times. 

We called out, “Close call!” but we never examined how the roof was so easily destroyed to begin with? We never took the time to see if the foundation, even though it was still standing, was the cause? We thanked our ‘lucky stars’ and moved on. Never really repairing, just doing the bare minimum of a botched job. 

But that’s no longer sustainable. 

This foundation is so janky that even a brand new spanking building will eventually be blown away in the heaviest of winds. It must all be torn down...starting with its base. Starting from scratch and starting over. 

So here we are...in this very spot...faced with that rickety shack and that mountain to climb. No shortcuts, no cutsies...just tools and wisdom and lessons learned left behind. The time is now, the future is waiting! The past is broken...the normal route we took no longer exist. 

2020 is our reset button and it finally got pressed.