Ground Control To Major Tom

In December I went to Iceland...if you’ve read any of my prior posts you’ve heard me rave about this amazing trip and country repeatedly. For those of you who are new, here’s the condescended version: I spent 13 days traveling at the end of 2019. I started in Denver, Colorado then headed to New York City. NYC to Amsterdam then Amsterdam to Nürnberg, Germany for the family portion of this holiday. Which also included day trips to Rothenburg, Germany and Salzburg, Austria. I finally ended the world tour in Reykjavík, Iceland. 

I worked so hard to make this trip happen-despite someone I cared deeply about talking all the smack they could about said adventure. A surreal (even though I hate that word) awakening...and to say it was pure perfection is an understatement but here it goes, IT WAS ABSOLUTE BLISS. Hmmmm? Take that, judgy f*ck. 

In fact, 2019 was....in a nutshell...Ah. Maze. Ing. 

Not only did I go to these places but I also went to Jamaica for a week in June as well as San Francisco, California and Seattle, Washington in September. And after two back to back horrific years (2016/17) proceeded by one that wasn’t as terrible (2018) but still stressful, 2019 was a well warranted reprieve. 

You see...I am happiest when I am traveling and granted I can’t do it all the time because...well...that shit cost money; knowing what I know now, the uncertainty surrounding future travel plans has me even more grateful that I made traveling far and wide last year a priority. 

It also has me here. 

Musing over life...and where is takes us...and the stories involved that got us from point A to point B. If you listen for a second, we all have some stories to tell. 

The universe works in magical ways. 

The family and I all stayed in Nürnberg, Germany...where I was born. I’ve said this in other posts, I’m sure I say it in every post. 

Regardless, that week reiterated everything I already knew-that my truest desire was to live there...in Europe, in Germany...in my hometown. 

I have never wanted to move back to where I grew up. To me that was settling...giving up on the idea that I could make it somewhere else. However, where I grew up wasn’t Europe...it was a small Florida town smack dab in between the beach and the city. 

Yes, I miss the ocean as I now reside in a landlocked state out west. Yes, I miss my family and friends but Florida has never been home to me. Neither has my current  state of residence been. To me, these were/are stepping stones to something far greater. And to be truly honest, my soul has never felt peace here in the United States...the closest I’ve gotten to that solace and wanting to lay any sort of roots was in the Carmel/Big Sur region of Northern California but after my last visit to Europe...I now know, this is the ONE place I will live happily ever after. 

I will get there. 

And so...to tame this nagging, restlessness...I am planning my escape. 

The wheels are in motion and they won’t stop until I get there. 

On New Year’s Day of 2019, I found a charm I had bought years ago. It had been stuffed in a drawer and long forgotten about. The charm came with a book on angels and a deck of oracle cards....which I promptly read after finding the charm. 

It stood for manifestation. 

Something I was determined to make 2019 all about. I wanted to manifest the shit out of my life....because like I said...leading up to 2019, I had been through the ringer...multiple times over during multiple phases of my life. One constant fight after the next. I had been through the trenches. I had gone to war and I arrived to 2019 bruised but not broken. A warrior willing to still go to battle but wanting nothing more than a lengthy retreat. 

Battle scars proving so. 

Tag me out, y’all...just for a sec.

It was time to shine! It was time for my old wounds to heal and for life to finally begin-the way it always should have....before jealousy, evilness and shitty circumstances tried to swallow me whole. 

I found a lone chain to put the charm on and immediately slipped it around my neck. I left it there for the entire year. 

Never removing it once. 

My sister asked me over our holiday what the symbol had meant and I told her what I am telling you now, it was my talisman for the year. 

It was MY NEW FOUND companion in creating MY charmed life. It gave me endurance and reassurance. It gave me strength and fortitude. Its guidance showing me there was no need to teeter or waver in order to achieve the end goal. 

Wanting to carry on this tradition, I decided I would find another trinket that represented 2020 and what it stood for. I would put the old piece of jewelry away and start anew with another symbol. I wasn’t disregarding my token, I just felt giving it a chance to breathe and recharge  would be a way to show appreciation for all that it had done for me. 

My life is full of strange synchronicities....enough to realize it’s NOT just all coincidence or random. Most things, yes...can be explained with logic and reason. Science and facts but then there are these unexplainable moments in between those that go far beyond any logical explanation. And believe me, I can differentiate. Most of the time, I look for reasonable explanations before ever exploring universal messages. 

But when the universe speaks in such subtly obvious ways...to the point...you are taken aback by it, all rational interpretations disappear. Some things are just bigger than our understanding of them. Even when they make absolutely no fucking sense. 

Eventually....it will all make sense. 

Eventually....clarity will kick in. 

I went into my last adventure of the year knowing this was the trip I would seek out my 2020 mascot. After 10 days though, I hadn’t found anything that energetically pulled me towards it. It wasn’t until I went to Iceland that I found what I was looking for. In the last country of my winter holiday. On the second to last day of a magical year spent traveling. In the last city I would visit in 2019 and most likely for a prolonged period of time. 

I already knew going into 2020 would involve less travel. Begrudgingly, I had been preparing myself for this for awhile. I knew I had to put traveling on the back burner in order to focus on and accomplish other ambitions. A major one being the dedication to my creative outlets. 

Ha. I was already prepared for a quarantined life before quarantined life  became a thing. 

Officially...my stay-at-home orders started December 30th, 2019-the night I landed home from Iceland. Oh 2020, you sly little devil...you didn’t have to go all ape shit to ensure I would stay put. I was planning on it..but I guess you wanted to ensure you were driving this point home. Can we at least come to a compromise though? I really want to get out and snap some photos. I miss the world and the use of my camera. I’m okay with being a homebody for the time being because I know that’s for the greater good but can you sometime soon...let this bastard virus die. I promise I won’t travel far until 2020 goals have been met. Can we just agree on that? 

Finger’s crossed my goals will be met and Rona has gone bye-bye and I will spending New Years in Iceland, celebrating the end of this insane year and sending it on its damn way. And even if I can’t, when we can travel again...I’m going back here first and foremost. Yea, that’s how much I miss it. Regardless, I’m staying positive that whatever this is will be null and void come Christmas time...because I’ll need my 2021 trinket and why not go back to the original spot where I found this year’s amulet? 

I spotted my 2020 symbol-two to be exact close to where my hotel (the Hótel Leifur Eiríksson) was located. The first I bought right away. It was the emblem Ægishjálmr (Helm of Awe), an Icelandic/Vikings symbol that means protection and victory. I purchased three magnets with this specific symbol on it. I also found a volcanic rock bracelet at the airport with this on it and yes, I bought that too. I wear it every time I leave the house. Although, I didn’t plan on the bracelet at all I felt the way I found it was a sign for it to be mine. I literally backed into it. I bumped myself against the shelf it was on. I’ve said this before so I’ll say it again...I’m a klutz that has cat-like reflexes. Like I can trip over my own two feet but I will end up doing some dance routine in order to straighten myself out. It’s quite comical to watch actually. This time there was no injury sustained though, just a bracelet screaming protection and victory staring right back at me. 

I’m pretty sure it wasn’t my clumsiness that pushed me into that shelf but universe instead. For what was about to come, I needed to be covered on all fronts.  

Two of the magnets I kept. One is on my refrigerator because that’s where all the travel magnets go...and because anytime I go get food, which is equally a pleasant experience, I travel back to any place I’ve ever been. I can stare at my refrigerator for hours. Snacks in hand, memories in my head. It’s a lovely place to be. 

The second magnet went on my altar as an offering. The third I sent to my mom after blessing it during a sunrise New Year’s Day ritual I performed. Over our holiday my Mama had told me how she was ready for a healthy and wonderful life. Her years have matched mine...constantly keeping us on our toes but the prize never straying far from our eyes. Finding my charm wasn’t just about me. It was about my mama. It was about my husband and my sister. It was bigger than just my desires. It was about family. And looking back....I couldn’t have chosen a better candidate for the task that needed to be done. 

My Mama has been protected...in so many ways. This blog literally transformed into a healing mechanism. A means to work out raw feelings pertaining to my mother’s cancer scare and this current pandemic. It’s manifested into a place where are my stories finally have a platform. 

I’ve written about my mama in other posts but again, incase you are new...a shortened version: we thought she had cancer which led to a failed biopsy which led to what I refer to as a hostage hospital takeover situation....right when the Coronavirus hit the states. 

I specifically told my mother when she got her Icelandic trinket to put it in her purse because I wanted it to always be with her. She did as I asked and while she was hospitalized, the magnet stayed in her bag. Close to her side. She still carries it with her and will continue to so. 

My mom is sans cancer and although she has temporarily lost her employment, she will be protected and victorious. Her career is in the travel industry and she has a compromised immune system. This virus has forced her to stop and finally recuperate the way it always needed to but never could. The universe handed her a chance to get her health on the up and up. She’s a healthy woman mind you but she’s always had lung issues and if this pandemic didn’t happen the way it did, she’d be traveling all over the world, tiring an already weak system that is just barely fighting to get strong. My mom has never had this chance. She’s always had to go, go, go. Work, work, work. The world coming to a stop made her stop. It required all of us to become absolutely still...and I think many of us needed that. Most of us wouldn’t have. We would still be grinding away until there is nothing left. 

Looking back I am now fully aware why the Ægishjálmr (Helm of Awe) lured me in.   It was no coincidence that this was the symbol that sought me out...that there were no others prior to this. 

As if the universe was saying, “You are going to need this. Your mom is going to need this. The world is about to turn upside down and it’s going to be a bumpy ride for a bit but stay strong. You will go to battle once more...but you are protected and victory will be yours in the end.” 

And here we are...going into battle with a powerful, worldly enemy that takes credence in picking no side. 

And here I am, with protection and victory choosing my side. 

I didn’t stop with Ægishjálmr, another symbol caught my eye as well. This one was on a necklace. It was stunning and I was smitten but debated getting it. It was pricey and I’m not one to usually splurge on fancy shit like that for myself. 

But I did...only the next after serious consideration and my husband’s urging. 

I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I knew that meant something and I knew that it and only it could be the one thing that could justify my replacement to my already existing piece of jewelry. The one that has served me well during 2019. 

The next night...my last night in Iceland...I went back to the store I saw the necklace in and got it. Without hesitation or concern for price. 

It’s a silver replica of the rune Gæfa which means good luck, fortune and being open to opportunities. Just as much as I needed protection and to be victorious, I wanted luck as well. On January 1st, 2020, I took it out of its box and places in on my neck, its new home. It’s been there ever since. 

I started this blog in January. In February, I finally made a go at putting my photography out into the world. I got out of my head and into my creative dreams. I started actually sharing what I wrote in March....with other people and on larger social platforms. Although, I am my own worst critic, the response has been phenomenal and motivational. It’s not massive but every piece of recognition is important. Every single like and interaction means so much. 

I know I have a ways to go...in a way, we all do. Especially now and especially after what, we as the human population, have been hit with. Life has changed for most of us. We’re solidifying what is important and letting go of what never was. 

Life is a mysterious journey. The universe is an enigmatic entity meant for us to play with. Signs are all over the place and it’s up to us to decipher whether are not these are directions we must take. So start paying attention. The universe’s sign language is here for our taking. It’s high time we heed its messages and stop brushing them off. They are showing me and you everything we need to know at the time we need to learn these lessons. 

I leave you with this as I always do...a quote. However, it’s not a quote from Vikings or Ivar the Boneless...I’m actually now through the show anticipating season 6B...instead it’s a quote from a favorite writer, Paulo Coehlo. If you haven’t read any of his work, you should. Some of my favorites: The Alchemist, The Witch of Portobello, Brida, and Hippy. 

It’s also 11:11 as I wrap this blog post up...I’m sure Mr. Coehlo would appreciate this. 

“I believe in signs....what we need to learn is always there before us, we can just have to look around us with respect & attention to discover where God is leading us and which step we should take. When we are on the right path, we follow the signs, and if we occasionally stumble, the Divine comes to our aid, preventing us from making mistakes.”

~Paulo Coehlo, The Zahir.