Riddles, Enigmas, Intuition, and Answers

I wish I wasn’t playing this game… of figuring you out. 

Of deciphering your words and context and meaning behind it all. I wish I wasn’t playing detective. 

I’m not used to mysteries or solving riddles or patiently decoding secret messages that I fight with self to not understand. Because of this, I have never questioned my instincts so much until now. 

Who are you? What are you trying to say? Because this just can’t be one GIANT coincidence any more? Not that I ever was a true believer in coincidences anyway. 

Not once has anything ever been random for me and I guess everyone always experiences their firsts but this can’t be that time. Not when it comes to my soul’s most honest answer. And if it is all so random then why the persistent pull? 

Why the echoing enigma calling out to me in the form of a nagging reminder that you are familiar? Why the dangling temptation to not give up on this investigative quest? 

Just a little further with connecting these dots but believe me, to a certain extent, I have collected enough. They, in my heart of hearts, have built a faint line that only lead to one place and I can’t discredit that. 

But to speak candidly, it is my ego doing mostly all the talking. Nah, that just can’t be though. It just can’t be my ego telling me what I want to hear because my gut has never steered me wrong. My intuition has always been on point. They have always aligned with my psyche. 

HOW CAN MY EGO NOT BE TELLING THE TRUTH? Why all of the sudden would it not be right? That would be such a devastating blow. 

YOU ARE WATCHING ME FROM A SHADOWY PLACE? Silently sitting and waiting yet it’s me who’s mostly in the dark. 

I want to be right about you so prove to me that I am. Prove to me that, “Yes… I knew it all made sense?” 

Clearly make me see that my gut and my intuition and my ego have not failed me and that I don’t have to turn my back on all three and that my heart was soooo incorrect. 

Do something that says YOU are directly communicating to me. Do something that proves to me that I shouldn’t abandon these conclusions or the faith I have in myself. 

Because that’s truly the last thing I want to do. I don’t want to find out that I am wrong or that my soul led me astray. I don’t want to find out that one thing I rely on is just as flaky as everything else. I don’t want to distrust the one thing I have trusted all along. 

I can’t… I just can’t because what a travesty that would be. What a heartbreaking reality to face my intuition being so off. 

But here I am… doing exactly that and I hate it. So maybe… I just have to take a step back in order to not let go. Maybe I need to watch from a distance the truth uncovering itself.